Reviewer: motownmjdevotee Signed [Report This]
Date: Feb 01, 2011 01:36 pm Title: Chapter 1 - True

Look girl.  I'm not hating on you or ya story.  It's just the lead female makes no sense. 

Why would she not call her Momma to get her out of trouble?  I mean, chamone.  That's all I'm saying. 

Her Momma was willing to help her.  So why would she stay on the streets to get raped and whatnot if her Momma had her back?  That's all I'm saying. 

And I truly do not read the poorly written stories girl.  At all.  Clearly.  I tried to read this one because it started out pretty well then the lead female just didn't make any sense to me.  And I can't stand stupid females cuz they make us all look bad. 

Sorry to be so critical.  It's all for love girl.  I thought that's what the writer's wanted from readers:  Ways to make improve the story and make it more believable.

It started good.  I wanted to keep reading.  I tried. 

No offense love.  Don't stop your writing cuz of me.  It's just hard to read about a female losing her virginity to a nasty a$$ rapist because she's not thinking clearly.  That gift was spozed to be for Michael girl.  That's all I'm saying. 

And then too, most homeless shelters don't place girls in rooms with men.  It's usually that women/children shelters are separate from men shelters.  Just so that sexual abuse doesn't occur. 

This can be a good story if it were just more believable.  That's all I'm saying.  But worry not, I won't give any more reviews.  So...Be love girl.  No hard feelings.

 

Author's Response:

yes and that's all okay but it was how you were like 'wtf' about the story. that's not helping me improve that's just insulting my work. You could have gave me advice on the things you found didn't make sense instead of saying 'Gawd, wtf?' that was totally unneccessary. I was already aware of the fact that the beginng chapters aren't so great, you didn't have to rub it in my face. And that's okay, i write so much better as the story goes on to it's later chapters. But that's fine if you want to give up on it.