"You're what?"
Michael sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm staying here," he repeated, closing his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the shocked expression on his cousin's face. He hated that he had to do this, but he found that there was no other possible way to make this better. He either had to stay in Indiana with his cousin or move back to California where he was at risk of hurting Alex again. He didn't want to have to be the obstacle always blocking Alex from her freedom. He had to do what was right. He had to be away from her, even if he hated it.
"The deal was that you stay here until the classes were over," Roger said slowly, "You're supposed to be on the plane in an hour."
Michael struggled to hold his tears back. "You don't understand," he whispered, looking away from Roger's confused face, "I can't just move back to California. I just finished the classes two days ago. I'm still trying to maintain my anger. I could snap at any moment and... I don't want Alex to be there when it happens."
There was a heavy, tension-filled silence. Michael waited anxiously for him to say something, anything, so he would know that he would never have to repeat that ever again.
"Why?"
Michael trained his eyes on Roger's, "What do you mean why?" he spat.
"Why would you want to stay here, away from her? Why? Don't you love her?" Roger asked.
Michael scowled, "Don't ask me that. You know that I do."
"Then why would you want to stay here?" Roger pressed on, "Why would you want to stay away from her even longer than you were originally supposed to stay? Why would you want to keep yourself further away from her, after all of this time not being able to see her?"
"I can't risk putting her in harm's way, that's why," Michael shot back.
"But Michael, the only reason you even decided to take those classes was to prevent things like that from ever happening again. You should be happy that you're done. And your ass should be on that plane to see her."
"Don't you think I know that already?"
"Apparently not since you aren't even packed," Roger said matter-of-factly.
Michael rolled his eyes, "You wouldn't understand. You don't know me."
"I don't know you?" Roger repeated, "Boy, I was you, me and yo' pops! Yo' pops and I took the classes together when we were little and he didn't learn shit! But I..." he pointed to himself rather proudly, "I did something to change. The only reason why I took the classes was because I knew I was hurting those that I loved. I was so angry at the world, my family, my friends, even God, sometimes. But I learned to tame that anger, to reduce it to nothing even when I wanted to knock my daddy's teeth out." Michael managed a weak smile.
"Michael, everyone gets angry. There isn't a single person on this planet who has never gotten angry. Even Jesus got angry. But he knew how to control it and used that self-control in order to express it through the love of his Father. Maybe your anger can be a danger to everyone but it's up to you to control it. Besides, if you love Alex just that much, you'll go show her just how much self-control you got in you."
With that, Roger turned and walked towards his bedroom. Michael watched him leave with a wistful expression on his face.
Roger had given Michael a lot to think about but Michael found that he didn't have much to time to muse over his own thoughts in the meantime. He didn't want to have to think about that anyway, returning to a home where he knew he would only wreak havoc upon those who had done nothing but try to love him, comfort him.
It brought back too many painful memories, memories that he had created on his own lethal will.
Then, Michael felt his pocket begin to vibrate. He fished inside the pocket where he felt the familiar sensation and held up his cell phone to his face only to see that he didn't recognize the number calling him. Sighing, he held the phone up to his ear.
"Hello," he greeted dryly.
"Come home," the voice said.
"Who the hell is this?" Michael snapped.
"It's Tatiana."
Michael laughed under his breath, "The hell do you want, girl?"
"I want you to come back home," she replied simply, sounding as if she were trying to hide her frustration with her concern.
"And why would you want me to come back home? I thought you were through with me."
"I was but..." her voice trailed out of his hearing range and he heard a soft sigh emit from her lips, "Just come back home."
"I'm still not convinced."
There was arguing from the other end and from what Michael could tell, their phone had been put on speaker where everyone else in the room could hear his voice.
Oh joy...
"Come on, Michael!" a voice shouted.
"Yeah! We miss you!" another added.
"I've been over this a hundred times already. I'm not coming home." The sleek cellphone attached to Michael's ear was being tempted to be thrown from the window and into the street if the voices on the other end didn't shut up. "Not today, not ever."
"But she misses you."
"She hasn't shown any signs that she misses me. She never called, text, emailed, IM'd... I don't think it makes any difference if I come home or not."
"It does make a difference!" a voice protested, "I haven't seen her smile since you moved away!" The nagging tone on the other end was all too familiar to Michael. He lifted the phone away from his ear as the voice continued to drone on about missed opportunities and lost hope. "Michael? Michael! Are you even listening to me?"
"I hear you loud and clear, Monica."
"Then give me one good reason why you won't come home."
"Because my life is much better here."
"Why?" She sounded defeated now; all sense of motivation to bring Michael home was starting to devolve, like her best friend's crush was just a lost cause. He was never coming home.
"Because everyone is safe here."
"Everyone is safe here, too."
"Not until I look at her."
There was silence on both ends.
"But you took the classes," a voice remarked hopefully.
"I know I did, Bruno but taking a few classes doesn't just make my problems miraculously disappear. I have to make myself acting calm a habit. I still have a lot of stages to go through."
"And being secluded from society will help you do that?" a perplexed voice asked.
"No, Nikki. Staying away from you guys will allow me to do that," Michael slowly said so that the air-headed brunette would be able to understand.
"Alex misses you, idiot. Get your ass back home."
The obnoxiously blunt voice belonged to Riley.
"I miss her too, Riley but she's gonna have to wait for me a little bit longer unless she wants to get her ass whooped again."
"Are you sure you're done with those classes?" Bruno asked with concern detected in his voice and a wave of unrestrained laughter burst from the other line.
Laughing quietly, Michael nodded, "I'm positive."
"You're really not coming back home, Michael?" a tiny voice asked.
"Please don't tell me that's Janet..."
"AppleHead..." the voice whined.
"Shit."
"Forget that I miss you. Forget that everyone else misses you. Forget that Alex misses you. Just remember who you miss most and use that to motivate you to come back."
"Janet-?!"
"I know that you're thinking about her right now. I know that you miss her, we all know it. You have to come back, Michael. Now."
"Janet, I would if I could but I can't and I won't. It's too risky, for you too, Janet. I can't take the chance putting those that I love in danger. I've already done it once-"
"Some one time too many," Bruno murmuringly interjected.
"-and I'm not planning on doing it again anytime soon."
"She needs you, Michael." Janet murmured, her voice bouncing in octaves as if she were walking down a flight of stairs.
"Then she wouldn't have pushed me away."
"She can't help it!" Janet cried out as she appeared to reach the bottom step. "You know she didn't mean for things to happen the way they did."
"Everything happens for a reason. What happened was the healthier choice for the both of us." Michael walked back through the door into the kitchen, and tentatively paced around on spot in front of the fridge. They had phoned him while he was in the middle of making lunch; they seemed to have forgotten there was a three hour time difference between them. It may have been nine o'clock in the morning where she was, but it was only twelve o'clock where he was. Michael looked over at his neglected bowl of cereal, no doubt soggy and inedible by now.
"But she loves you," Monica said.
"It's too bad that I can't say the same."
"That's an outright lie and you know it, Michael. Don't you dare say that!" Monica's voice had escalated from annoying to angry; Michael's patience was wearing thin.
"I maybe lying but its not as if she will ever know. She's too stubborn and hardheaded to get that through her head!"
Two things happened then; there was deep murmuring and the click of a phone hanging up, yet Janet was still on the other end, trying to manage herself a comeback.
He tossed the cell phone onto the kitchen table, ignoring the abused clunk it made when it landed.
Michael walked over to pick up the bowl of cereal off the marble counter and stopped by the sink to dump the milk with a spoon holding back the soggy contents. He dumped the rest into the garbage.
His appetite had vanished. He looked around the dining area and sighed. He left the kitchen to circle his living room and plopped himself onto one of the couches and slung his arm over his eyes.
Being ordered around, being miserable, having this stress forced on me, not being able to be near her...
"I hate this!" he screamed out in vain.
I wish I could just see her right now, even if it's just for a moment. I want to see her again so much, more than anything...
"So?"
Michael groaned, "So what, Roger?"
"You ready to win back your girl?" Roger asked.
Michael groggily sat upright to shoot glaring daggers at him, "Why the hell would you ask me that? You already know the answer."
Roger beamed, "Fine then. Let's go."
Author's Chapter Notes:
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Chapter End Notes:
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