Chapter 28

I woke up on our last day in Thailand feeling lethargic and dizzy. I didn't particularly feel like getting on a plane the next morning to go home, back to reality without Michael. In fact, that thought made me feel even worse. I had no idea what was going on with me, but I didn't make a big deal out of it. I wanted to enjoy the next twenty four hours with him, without a hitch. He had another concert later that evening, but he took a rain check on the rehearsals which didn't really please his brother's but we didn't care.

I put my illness down to the ridiculous sized bowl of ice cream we shared right before bed the night before. I glanced to Michael who was watching me. Sometimes he creeped me out with his staring. Often I'd wake up to his eyes gazing at me, studying my face. It was a bit unnerving, but also very sweet. He liked watching me sleep, it was something that made me want to run a mile when I first caught him, but I had since grown used to it. "Morning precious..." I smiled despite feeling like I couldn't really breathe properly. "Good Morning..." I replied in a croaky voice.

He kissed my forehead. I sat up slowly as I generally did when I first awoke. I got my bearings and went to use the bathroom. It was still early and we'd got to bed really late. I felt my heart pounding hard against my chest, but I put it down to a lack of sleep. I was still really tired and decided that I needed to sleep for longer. When I came out I found that Michael had taken the liberty in starting to make us both some toast. "Do you want honey or jelly? Or honey and jelly?" He wondered.

I didn't have the heart to say that I didn't feel like either. He'd commented on my weight loss and was going out of his way to make sure I was eating three square meals per day and snacking of course, in between. My eating habits hadn't changed at all since he'd left to go on tour, so he had no cause for concern. I knew if I told him I wasn't hungry though, he'd probably try to force feed me. "Honey..." I replied with a smile. It looked like I wasn't going to get more rest after all.

I stood behind him, my arms around his waist while he buttered the toast. He was always taking care of me, he'd learned to cook to impress me after his very first and embarrassing attempt, and he'd become a whole lot less messy since I had known him. I found all of those things to be so thoughtful. I had too, got a little more elaborate in the kitchen, I was more expressive with my emotions and my affection and made a concerted effort to be less cynical. He turned his head a little to kiss my cheek. "Thanks..." I added, appreciating that he was making breakfast for us.

"Welcome." He smiled. I leaned against him, making it more difficult for him to do what he was doing.

"Jadeypoo..." He began sweetly. I chuckled, knowing exactly what he was about to say, "As much as I love you, I can't really make our toast with you clinging to me like that..." I let go of him, rubbing his back with my hand as I stopped making a nuisance of myself. "Do you want to organise to do something today?" He wondered as I stood beside him, waiting for him to finish with my toast.

I wanted to say no, I wanted to tell him that I was feeling crap and wanted to spend the day in bed, but I couldn't. This was my last day with him. "Sure." I replied.

"Great... we'll eat breakfast and I'll call Sarah." He informed me. I took my plate and waited for him to join me on the couch in front of the television. There was nothing worth watching on, and mostly we couldn't understand it anyway. I took small bites, and felt as though I couldn't really digest it. I guess I hadn't really said a lot all morning, but Michael noticed and looked at me properly for the first time since I'd awoken.

"Are you okay this morning?" He paused. I saw his forehead crease with concern. He frowned. "Baby, are you okay? You're really pale..." He remarked. He cupped my cheek in his hand and stroked my temple with his thumb, "maybe you have a fever..."

I quickly shook my head, "I'm fine... I'm just not one hundred percent." I told him honestly, "But we can still go out, I'll be fine." I insisted.

He shook his head and looked at me as if I were crazy. "No way. You could be coming down with something." He said, worried. I felt guilty and pouted.

"This is our last day together... I don't want to waste it being sick." He wasn't hearing it. He got up disappeared in to our bedroom suite and returned minutes later with my robe. He draped it over my shoulders.

"Don't be silly." He said in reply. "We don't need to go outside to spend time with one another." He slinked an arm around me and took my plate, realising that I wasn't eating. He placed it carefully on the coffee table. "And there's something that I wanted to tell you..."

I expected bad news for some reason. I expected him to tell me something that was going to disappoint me, but he didn't seem to be getting ready to deliver any grim news. I grimaced as he went to get something and returned. He raised his hand to rake it through my hair and smiled at me. "I hope that you're okay with this, but ... we can change it if it's a problem." He handed me something which I briefly looked at.

I breathed in deeply, ignoring the slight palpitations in my chest. "Are you for real?" I asked in awe. Michael never ceased to amaze me through his thoughtful gestures, his ability to surprise and encourage me and the brilliant talent he had at cheering me up when I wasn't feeling so great. "You're taking me to Australia..." I breathed. It was true -- I had the plane ticket in my hand. It was my name clearly printed on it.

It was a place that always seemed like fiction to me, as if it were too far away to have actually truly existed. It was a place that Michael had told me so much about and had promised that one day he would take me there -- but I didn't expect it to be this time.

"Of course we're leaving tomorrow night--" He informed me, "But I don't want you traveling if you're ill, it'd be the worst thing you could do."

"I'll be fine." I promised him, "It's no big deal, Michael." I couldn't help grin despite how shit I felt. I was going to Australia with my boyfriend. Had a nice ring to it. "I can't wait, thank you so much." I told him as I read my name on the ticket that I held in my hands. "I love you."

"I bring you good things, don't I, lady?" He joked, pressing his lips against mine. "If you stick with me, the world will be yours..." He put his arm around me and pointed off in to the distance as if we were looking out over mountains. We both laughed at his silliness.

I leaned in close toward him, encircling my arm around his waist. "Seriously though, if you really are getting sick, you could just wait it out here with Mom until you feel better and fly out in a couple of days."

I shook my head. "No, I'll be fine. Quit worrying..." I advised him. I liked it though -- it made me feel special when he cared for me. Maybe I was getting a cold or something, but it wouldn't have mattered. I certainly didn't want to go to the doctors in a foreign country where I didn't speak the mother language.

"Well then let's just have a quiet night, and maybe you shouldn't come to the concert tonight." He suggested. I looked at him and pouted. It was probably the best idea. He chuckled, "Don't give me that face... I just don't want you to get sick. We don't even have our doctor out here, so you'd have to actually go to one..." He informed me, thinking what I already had.

"Okay, okay... so I'll stay back here tonight and sleep early." I relented. Michael caressed my cheek with his hand and kissed my forehead, happy that I had agreed.

**

I knew she was playing it down, but we'd arrived in Australia and she had barely been able to stay awake on the drive back to our motel from the Sydney airport. Of course could have put it all down to flying. We were all so jet-lagged and tired from our concert the night before, but that didn't really include Jade. I sat with her in silence as we drove through the traffic, which was extremely mild compared to Bangkok.

I gave a sigh. Maybe I was being overbaring. We had a slight argument on the flight from Thailand. Jade had accused me of overreacting, and coddling her without the need. She had said I was smothering her and she wanted me to stop worrying because she had felt fine. I loved her so much and maybe it was a sixth sense or something, but I just had a feeling that there was more to it.

We arrived at The Sheraton Hotel. It was nuts. We didn't expect the four hundred odd people, lining the street outside just waiting for us. It made me happy, but I was also just really tired. I hated it when my brother's disregarded our fans. I hated that they'd shrug them off, sign an autograph, act obnoxious and not even look them in the eye -- I made a vow never to do that to any of my fans, and when it came down to it, it was all a part of my job.

But God.... so tired, I thought.

Jade's dad, John had told us that our stage show had met national news at home, and probably everywhere else that actually gave a shit about my success. He even got to see it himself, and both he and Jade's mother, Maureen, had been very happy for us. That made me happy. They both said that the gossip magazines were teamed with generally positive articles and that a few reporters had actually even called him. In Thailand we'd had a few calls, but Sarah had dealt with it. We didn't really feel the need to release any kinds of statement, because it wasn't particularly anyone's business. I mostly wanted to put it out there, I didn't want to be the type of artist that pretended he was single and attainable, denying having a girlfriend just so we could manipulate teenage girls. I hated that side of fame. My fans were always so brutally honest with me about their feelings, what they thought of my songs, their unconditional love so much so, that I in turn, felt it was my honor to never lie to them.

Jade and I were in a car by ourselves with only the driver. I didn't want to cause a big stir, but I was a little bit nervous. I don't know why I wasn't more prepared for this kind of welcome, it wasn't like my fame dwindled there. I was probably more popular in Australia than I had ever been as a solo musician. I tried to perk up a little bit. I gently woke my precious angel beside me. "We're at the hotel now..." I informed her. She looked a little disorientated and began to rub her eyes. She sat up straight and yawned and looked around. She seemed surprised by all the faces rushing to meet our cars.

"Shit!" She seemed very quickly to jump awake. I kind of laughed, not expecting her to be so spritely. "Michael, how the hell are you going to get out of here?" She wanted to know. Fans stood around, cupping their hands over the tinted windows to see inside. I was used to this type of behavior but Jade on the other hand wasn't. "Oh my god, Michael, what the hell are they doing??"

"Trying to see in." I giggled. I guess it was pretty exciting. Jade was freaked out, I could tell -- but I loved those moments. They were the type of moments that sent the adrenalen pumping throughout my body. Suddenly I didn't feel very tired anymore. "Don't worry, security will arrive in a few minutes and you can go in while I do some autographs."

Jade's eyes were quizzically looking around, trying to make sense of the pandemonium that was going on. "They're going to kill each other..." She murmured more to herself, as she rose her hand to her mouth in shock. I just laughed. The fans were pushing and shoving and trying so hard to get close. They were begging for me to open the window, offering gifts and cards and asking for autographs. I opened the window a very careful slit, maybe half an inch. The mobbing of the car only got worse.

"Michael!" Jade scolded me, "you're encouraging them!"

"It's okay baby." I told her with a huge grin, "They're fine." I heard choruses of "I LOVE YOU!" screamed through at me, I heard fans asking me questions, begging me to take their gifts.

"I love you more!" I cried out the window as my fans slid cards and letters through the crack as if it were some automotive mailbox. Jade picked them up as they fell in, putting them in a pile. I saw that she slowly began to relax and started pointing out different kinds of fans. I wiggled my fingers out of the window and felt a series of people grabbing at them. It made me laugh. Traffic around us on the street of the hotel was nuts. There were horns beeping, fans littering the middle of the road with no regard for oncoming cars. It was crazy, but I was used to it. Someone slipped in a pen and a photograph which I signed quickly and handed it back out. Then of course, everyone followed suit. In the five minutes that it took for security to arrive, I was sure I had signed more than forty autographs and had received dozens and dozens of cards and letters.

Jade was escorted inside by a police officer while Marlon and I stood outside and collected banners that fans had made for us. I liked to have them as keepsakes. We signed autographs and even took a few photographs. We knew that things like that always went down well. It made us look good in the eyes of our fans and the media ate it up like bread with gravy. We waved a goodbye and headed upstairs after almost an hour.

**

It was our second last night in Sydney and I had to admit, I was loving it. It was during the spring and the weather was really warm, but not too humid like it had been back in Thailand and Jade seemed to have gotten over her mystery illness. We both kinda put it down to the change in weather and the pollution. It sucked that Janet had to go back to California, which left her with my Mom. I knew she didn't mind but it was a bit disappointing since they got along so well and had had a great time together.

Jade did a bit of shopping by herself during my rehearsals and sound checks and even did a little sight-seeing with my mother. At one point the paparazzi had followed them to the Harbour-side and had them pose for photos. I was a bit iffy about getting Jade's face too well-known. I wanted her to stay as normal as possible but the height of my fame at that point was probably going to make it tough to go on about business like normal -- especially once we got back home.

I was more relaxed now that I felt Jade was acting more herself. She was still a little pale, but she seemed better. I had had something really special planned for us and I wanted everything to go absolutely perfect. With the help of people working for my family, I had arranged for us to spend a night together beneath the harbour bridge. It was a clear night and every star in the sky was visible. Jade had no idea about it. She had expressed how beautiful she had found the city to be and so I had decided that I would take her there myself. I wanted to keep things casual, but perfect in every sense.

I had told her that we were going out, that it was a surprise. I told her that she could dress up if she wanted to. I had put on a pair of black slacks and a button down shirt. I looked decent enough, and it wasn't really going to be swanky, but it didn't hurt to look nice. I hoped we could get through the evening without being chased by fans. To be honest, I was a little bit nervous. It seemed like a big ask for it to all go ahead without a hitch.

We had a decoy, which was a bit cruel -- we pretended that we were going elsewhere for the night and the fans followed. It allowed us to head off unnoticed. It was after dark and Jade had appeared from the bedroom suite where I waited for her in a stunning dark-red scoop neck dress. I did a double take. I know that my eyes probably went as wide as saucers as I figured that all my christmas' had just come at once. My jaw was on the floor as I looked her once over, and then again ... and again. To be honest, I'd never really noticed how great her legs looked. I shook my head in astonishment. From head to toe she looked completely and utterly beautiful. She had her hair pulled back with a few stray whisps falling in to her face. Man, I wanted to kiss her all over. "Jade..." I breathed, "You are...the most beautiful girl in the world..."

She blushed. I took a step closer to her and noticed that she was wearing some light make up. God, tonight was going to perfect, I thought. I let out a sigh of absolute contentment. "Just like the Prince song..." She couldn't help but to jibe. I always joked with her that she was dating the wrong pop icon having found a collection of Prince records at her apartment.

"Yeah, just like your boyfriend..." I winked. I leaned forward and kissed her cheek, inhaling the sweet summery scent of her perfume. It quite frankly tantalised my senses.

I slipped my hand down the smooth skin of her bare arm, catching a glimpse of her clevage. I smiled a little slyly. "And you're sexy too..." I encased her hand within mine and headed out the door, ready to be taken by the security to a car that was waiting for us.

**

We arrived to our destination and got out of the car. I thanked the driver and took Michael's hand. "What's the plan?" I asked as I felt him lacing his fingers through mine. We walked along soft grass toward the a beautiful arch bridge which lit up with beautiful coloured lights that shone in to the sky. I glanced up to admire the beautiful clean and clear sky. We never got this kinda atmosphere back at home, I thought...

"The plan is..." Michael began, studying me with his wide eyes. He had been so attentive of me all night. He hadn't been able to peel his eyes away from mine and spent a lot of time giving me the once, twice, twenty five times, over. It felt wonderful, in all honesty -- to have someone that I loved so completely really take notice of me, admiring me and showering me with so much affection just made me feel like a million dollars.

Michael was always pretty easy on the eyes. He just looked so gorgeous with his growing hair, and his beautiful white shirt. He looked good in white, I liked to see him dressed up and looking smart. Although he didn't really need an outfit to make him more appealing -- all he had to do was grin. His smile still made me weak, almost a year on. The way he looked at me when he smiled -- God, I was so in love... He was perfect. "We're going to have some dinner over here..." He pointed to a ferry that was waiting at the dock. "On this little boat...."

I was pretty darn excited. It would just be he and I, alone. It was so rare that we got time alone these days and nothing would have been more awesome than getting to be on a boat on the harbour of Sydney, overlooking the entire city -- could it be anymore special? I wondered. "And then we'll play it by ear." He finished. We stopped walking toward the dock briefly to kiss one another. He cupped my cheeks in his hand and guided my head toward his him. He pressed his lips against mine while I steadied my hands on his waist. He was so warm, his body felt so great under my grasp. He was so muscley despite how thin he was. Even though he had put on a fair bit of weight since I had met him, I was still certain that there wasn't an ounce of fat to be found.

He pulled away, we both seemed a bit starry-eyed for one another. I think that there'd been a lot of sexual tension that was building since I had arrived -- and quite possibly we wouldn't have held back if it hadn't been for all the interruptions - the visits from his family, the public engagements, the fatigue -- everything had kind of just got in the way of any private time between us. This felt like the first time since I'd reunited with him, that we were both relaxed and stress free.

We made our way to the dock. Michael politely introduced himself as he got on to the small ferry that was set up just for us. He helped me down in to the boat, taking my hand and making sure I was safely in. There was a two man crew who got on board with us. One was in charge of our meals and serving, while the other captained the ferry.

Once inside, we admired how beautiful it was. The boat was relatively steady as we were informed that the water was calm. This pleased me, I wasn't really the type to get sea-sick, but I wasn't entirely sure how I'd be in a boat that swished and swirled. There was a table set for us, with beautiful silverware, regal looking chairs and a small tray that obviously contained our meal. We headed off on the boat. At first we walked around, admiring the deck and the view before we decided to eat.

Michael pulled a chair out for me like the perfect gentlemen that he was. He sat down in front of me and smiled. "How beautiful is it?" He asked. He was clearly very pleased with himself.

"Very." I replied, though not really paying too much attention to the view, I was too busy gazing in to his warm eyes. There was such joy to be found in them. I knew that my smile showed him the same. "Thank you for all of this Michael... it's amazing..."

He said nothing, but took my hand and kissed my palm softly. I felt butterflies in my tummy and I couldn't wipe the dumb ass smile from my face.

Dinner was wonderful, everything tasted fantastic and was cooked to perfection. We each had a glass of wine and laughed over how unlike us it was. We were both in such good and happy spirits.

Together we went on deck and enjoyed the view. Michael stood behind me, his arms around my waist, leaning his chin on my shoulder. I reached up to caress his cheek as we exchanged adoring smiles. I didn't care that now and then the captain was stealing glances of us oogling at eachother, nothing could ruin the chemistry between us. "I'm so happy tonight..." He admitted to me with a little sigh.

"Me too." I agreed, turning around so I could embrace him. "I love you..." I remembered how hard it was for me to come out and tell him without sounding disingenuous, but I didn't have that problem anymore. I loved him so much and I wasn't at all embarrassed to show him or tell him.

"There's something else..." He began, letting go of me. "I was thinking about something and I don't know that I can hold off any longer..." Stupid me, immediately thought he was referring to sex. I furrowed my brow and glanced a little bashfully to the captain who was out of earshot. Michael was still smiling at me and finally broke the tension with a light-hearted laugh, realizing why I was so surprised by his words.

"Not that..." He assured me.

**

My hands were so sweaty and my heart was doing backflips. I don't know that in my life I had ever been this nervous. I had had everything planned out, what I was going to say and how it was going to sound -- but I couldn't even think. I swallowed hard, trying to keep my demeanor casual. I slid my shaky hand in to the pocket of the black jacket I had been wearing. In it was a small velvet box that contained her engagement ring. Mom and Janet had helped me pick it from a catalogue. I had surveyed Jade's jewellery, and noticed that it was all very simple and dainty. "Close your eyes, baby..." I instructed her.

She watched me with curiosity. "Go on..." I prompted her again.

She closed those beautiful green eyes and smiled. She had no idea, I was certain of it. I was so scared that she'd say no to me, and our perfect night would be shot to shit. I wanted to be traditional. Well, I was very much a traditionalist kind of guy. I got down upon one knee and took her hand. I perched the ring above her engagement finger. "Okay... you can open your eyes."

She gasped when she saw the ring. The ring we had selected was a thin yellow gold band with a round 3 carat diamond as the middle stone and 2 heart-shaped diamond sidestones. It was so beautiful, and I hoped that she would love it. She brought her hand to her mouth in shock. "Oh my goodness..." She murmured.

I grinned. "I had a big speech prepared, and I knew exactly what I wanted to say--" I began as I watched her eyes fill with tears. I could only hope they were overwhelming tears, because I didn't want her to freak out and tell me she couldn't accept. "But ... I think this really has to come from my heart -- and I don't know how else to put this besides. I love you so much, unconditionally with the whole of my heart and I really want to spend the rest of my life with you."

I gulped. This was the moment, now or never. I took a deep breath. I said a silent prayer that she would accept my proposal. "I want to ask you if you will do me the honor of letting me become your husband..." She nodded slowly through her tears. I laughed, I didn't want to jump for joy until I actually heard her say yes. "Will you marry me?"

She laughed to relieve the tension with me as I had been doing. She was beaming so hard that my heart was probably bursting with joy. "Yes..." She nodded again. "I want to marry you..." I took her hand once again and slided the ring upon her engagement finger and I got to my feet.

Everything spun just a little. I had a fiance. I was going to have a wife. It was right. It was the best and happiest decision that I had ever made. I knew I would never, ever regret it. "Thank you..." I told her, feeling my eyes misting over. I hugged her tight, leaning my forehead against hers. I sealed our engagement with a kiss on the lips. "Thank you." She replied. "I don't know how I'd be without you...." She murmured. I wiped away her wet eyes with my thumb and kissed her temple.

Fuck, I loved her so, so much. She was beautiful, intelligent, understanding and so fucking sweet. I don't know how on earth anyone could have ever beared to hurt her so much. In fact, the thought angered me, so I put it away. I held her tight, caressing her, enjoying her in my arms. It was a feeling that I never wanted to let go of. Such pure and divine bliss filled my heart, my heart bursted with pride as the captain of the boat smiled joyously at us. I felt so grateful and special since the love that was between Jade and I was the type of true love that some people could only ever hope for. I believed whole-heartedly that the two of us were like peas in a pod, soulmates, two people who were always bound for a sacred union that would be utterly intangible even through the worst of times.

I knew that things between us would never be perfect, and that there would be tears and frustration and probably fights and arguments, but I was never ever going to let that be the end of our story. I always wanted us to be at peace, I knew there were things we shared different views and opinions on, but that was okay -- that was normal. I wanted us to grow together, our souls to intertwine and support and know each other every little step of the way. I never wanted us to grow tired of one another either, but I was pretty certain that could never happen -- it had been almost a year together and I still lost my breath each time I felt her touch or received her kiss.

We must have stood together for a little while, just thinking about things. There wasn't a lot of talking, but there were lots of smiles, kisses and the embrace was the most intimate of all. We still had a lot of excitement ahead of us. We were still both coming out of our shells. Jade had only just began to really live again, to know that the world wasn't filled with bad-faithed people, she had hope in friends and family and wasn't as shy or as judging as she had once confessed to me that she was. She became more compassionate and approachable and saw purpose in everything that she did. That was huge for her, but I was so proud.

I, on the other hand, had learned to stand up for myself more. I had more of a backbone, I was less insecure and was getting better at being honest with everyone but most especially Jade. I wasn't letting anyone run my career anymore, I was taking the bull by the horns so to speak and it was all because of Jade's encouragement. She didn't want anyone to walk all over me or have anyone controlling my schedule. It benefited me immensely because I was more happy and relaxed and had better rest time.

We had already grown so much together.

I watched Jade admiring her ring. "It's beautiful..." She said softly, peeling her eyes to look up at me, "It really is, Michael--Gosh...." She sighed, staring back at the diamonds. "I never thought I'd love anyone this much-- or that... anyone would ever really accept me for everything that I am..."

"I don't know why you'd ever doubt that... I'm a lucky man, Jade, I don't know how no one ever saw it..." I remarked. We exchanged smiles and cuddled close as our ferry neared back to the dock.

I loved the thick atmosphere we'd created around ourselves.

I was going to have a wife.

**

"Did you know it took eight entire years to build this?" Michael asked me randomly as we walked beneath the trademark coat-hanger-shaped harbour bridge. It's been here since the 30s..." I loved that he was so smart, he knew about so many trivial things. I always learned a thing or two from him, he kept me interested all of the time.

"It's so pretty..." I remarked. "I can't believe I'm in freakin' Australia. I never would have expected ever -- oh yeah and..." I wiggled my finger, "I'm engaged in Sydney."

We both laughed at my silliness. We found a place beneath the bridge to sit. I nestled in to his arms and relaxed. "Did I tell you yet, that you look absolutely hot in this dress?" He asked, tugging a bit at the strap of it. It was something that I had bought shopping the day before -- I didn't expect that I'd be wearing it anytime soon -- it had been merely an impulse buy. I didn't even know if I'd have the courage to wear it, but something had told me that I should. I felt quite self conscious having my breasts exposed a little more than usual, but Michael didn't seem to mind at all.

"No, but thank you..." I replied. It wasn't very short, and I hoped it came across as classy more than trashy. I'm sure Michael would have reacted different if I had though, I knew he probably would have made it known, he was too old fashioned to let something like that pass him without a word or a comment.

"You're welcome..." He answered absently. We both kind of wandered away in to our own thoughts of what our life was going to be like as a married couple. All I could think about were kids. Not that I wanted them, but Michael would want them. But at least that meant sex. I liked that we were waiting, I gained a tremendous amount of respect from Michael for my body and I appreciated and savoured that more than anything. He didn't ever pressure me into going further and sometimes I wondered how on Earth he managed to just put his needs aside. I knew if anyone found out that we were both still virgins they'd probably classify Michael as gay and me as asexual. It wasn't easy, though. I knew that there was a part of him that also wanted to wait, or else he would have rightly acted upon his sexual desire already, but he held back.

We both did.

For me it was still an irrational fear of insecurity. He'd seen me naked once before, and it had only been a very short time ago, but even then it wasn't a moment where we had taken the time to appreciate each other's bodies. I trusted Michael with every bit of me and I knew that he wouldn't care about any silly little imperfections on my thighs, or my stomach or my breasts -- it was just a hard time learning to accept myself enough to want someone else to accept me and I meant that in every physical sense. I also held back because of the sexual morality that I'd always believed in. I wasn't such a staunch supporter as I had been before I met Michael, because the situations changed my line of thinking -- but I still held on to everything I believed in. I didn't think sex was wrong to have before marriage, but it was a decision that I'd made right back when I'd met Aaron. However, now that we were engaged I was certain that we would probably have sex before we got married, and I was comfortable with that and I knew it was more than just mildly hypocritical of me, but I shrugged it away.

"Do you want to set a date for our marriage, or do you want to think about it and come up with a date later?" He asked thoughtfully. "I mean, there's no rush of course--" He reminded me, "But we could just plan a rough idea of when we'd like to marry..."

I felt a smile draw upon my lips as I glanced down at my ring. Again I waved it in his face, "I'm getting married..." We both cracked up. He gave me a soft shove. "You're so cute..."

I shrugged, "I don't mind Michael... why don't you make that decision? If we wanted to get married tomorrow, I'd be ready..."

"We need to give you time to pick out the perfect dress... and figure out where you'd like to get married--" He listed off things that I hadn't even thought about.

"Don't be silly baby, it doesn't have to be some big production, we can just do something modest..."

He laughed. "Don't even try to deny it. Every girl wants to have that beautiful white wedding, with bridesmaids and groomsmen and lots of beautiful flowers and the most stunning dress in the perfect location and she wants to feel like cindarella--without the whole, losing the shoe, turning in to a maid debacle."

We both at giggled at his bad analogy. "And sweetheart, I want our wedding day to be a really special day of our lives together. I want it to be one of the fondest memories, you know - like tonight, our engagement, I'll never forget this night as long as I live..." He explained, "And then our marriage, and the births of our children...it's important. I want you to be so happy and it's not like we can't do it, it's all very do-able. Anything you want."

Ahhh, I just never seemed to get over how much he warmed my heart with his sincerity. "Can we get Prince to perform?" I joked.

Michael burst out laughing and poked me in the side. "Don't even play..." He warned me even though he was laughing too. His face had been priceless. I loved teasing him with the Prince jokes, and he enjoyed it as much as I did.

"Seriously though, baby, my day is going to be perfect no matter what."

He smirked, "Yeah, yeah... you still want the white dress, and the flowers and the bridesmaids and the freaking out over nothing, and the high-strung pre-marriage woes about catering and all that crazy stuff, though, don't you?"

I giggled bashfully. "Maybe..."

"So we'll do it... do you think in three months it's too short of planning time?" He wondered, "Or is that too close?"

I shook my head. "It sounds perfect, a beautiful fall wedding."

"Yeah...." He added, a little dreamy. "Your Mom and Dad are gonna be so pleased you accepted."

I raised an eyebrow, "They know?" I was always amazed with just how much contact Michael had with my parents -- probably more than I did. It was like he was their little spy sent forth to keep giving them updates on how I was doing.

"Sure do... nothing gets past John and Maureen." He winked.

We sat for awhile talking, mostly we were talking about fun things and just enjoying our rare opportunity to enjoy each other's company without the fatigue and stress. We talked about where we would hold our wedding, about how crazy the media would be getting about it -- but I welcomed it all. It was just going to be the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me -- and I dared to assume, Michael's as well.

It was beginning to get late and the weather was starting to get cool, and so we decided we'd head back to our hotel. It had so far been absolutely perfect. The car that we had arrived in was waiting for us by eleven o'clock. We had walked pretty far from where the car was parked. I found myself feeling particularly breathless, which wasn't normal. I pulled Michael back in to step with me, he had a bit of a habit of walking too quickly. "Baby, slow down..." I complained.

He glanced at me apologetically. "Sorry..." He put an arm around me, and rubbed my shoulders. "You should have a jacket..." I ignored him because I was too busy concentrating on how much trouble I was having with my breathing. I felt as though I was having an asthma attack, which wasn't all that possible since I'd grown out of asthma as a child. I stopped walking completely.

"What's wrong?" Michael asked with concern. He noticed that I was breathing hard as if we'd been walking too briskly. We hadn't though -- we'd been walking at a normal pace. I shook my head, "It's nothing." I smiled. "I'm just a bit tired. I need to catch my breath, I guess we were walking too quickly." I tried to brush the feeling aside, but coupled with the woozy head that I'd felt a few days earlier, I found it all hard to ignore. I didn't want to worry him though.

He waited patiently with me while I caught my breath and slowly we made our way back to the car. "I'm worried about you, are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded as we got in, "I'm fine... I guess we've just had a pretty exciting and tiring day..." That wasn't entirely true. I had sharp chest pains that were encumbering me but still I was so desperate not to ruin our night that I didn't tell him. I gave him a confident smile and leaned in against him.