I was in a bad mood. I just wanted to get up and get my own drink, I wanted to do some things for myself and Michael wasn’t letting me. Apart from coercing me out of bed and for a walk around the apartment of a morning and late afternoon, he wasn’t letting me do much else and it was starting to bug me.

It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate him and all that he was doing for me, because I did. I just needed to have him lay off a bit. I was a particularly independent person and I was used to doing things my own way. I was used to being the one taking care of him. He refused to go back to work until I was better, and when he did go anywhere he ordered either my Mom or his Mom to come and sit with me. My life hit an all time new low when he asked that Sarah come and babysit me for an afternoon. It was so bloody annoying.

And of course everyone agreed with him. Mom had told me that Gaby had been trying to put calls through for a week and hadn’t realized that I was staying with Michael. I’d heard from her briefly before we arrived home. She and I had glossed over the details of what was going on with Michael, but I wasn’t really up to talking about it.

After she had recovered completely from her own accident, she and I had grown closer once again. I’d let her in on the little secret that I had a boyfriend which she found almost impossible to believe – I didn’t, however, disclose that my boyfriend happened to be Michael Jackson. She didn’t really care about that when she had contacted me during my hospital stay. She asked no questions about him until I brought it up. I had apologized for not being completely honest, but she assured me that it wasn’t really a big deal.

I was planning on inviting her over just so as I could give Michael and I some time to ourselves. I know he had to have something to do, and I just knew that my best friend would allow me to be just a bit naughty.

**

“Baby, I feel bad going to work.” Michael complained as he sat down beside me on top of the covers. He was half-dressed, wearing black jeans and a shirt that he hadn’t yet buttoned up.

I glanced at him and felt a twinge of guilt for having been annoyed with him. He looked so sweet when he was concerned. I loved him for it. He leaned over and stroked my hair. “What time is Gaby coming over?” He asked for the eightieth time. The same time she was coming over the last time you asked. I thought to myself.

“Around ten.” I replied as if I hadn’t already answered him. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll be fine.” I assured him, reaching up from under the covers to stroke his fuzzy cheek. He looked so sexy when he went for a couple days without shaving. “I’ll probably just sleep until then, anyway.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay to get up and open the door for her?” he sighed as if he had a sudden change of heart, “Jade… I’m going to wait ‘til she arrives.”

I closed my eyes and summed up all my strength. “Michael.” I breathed deeply; “I’m fine. Please, I’m not an invalid.”

He kissed my forehead. “Okay, okay… I guess I’ll see you about 2.”

I just nodded and smiled faintly. “Promise me you’ll sleep until ten? I know you won’t rest much today with your friend here…” During the days I had done nothing but sleep and quite frankly, I was tired of it. It was bringing my mood down. I tried not to let that on to Michael though, despite how over-dramatic he could be, he was only doing what he thought was best for me. If he knew that I found it depressing to be there, then he would probably feel like he wasn’t doing enough – and I wasn’t sure that I could bare it if he were to coddle me more.

“I promise.” I replied, mostly because I was feeling too weak to argue. Oh who was I kidding? It wasn’t like there was anything else for me to do. I could sleep or watch TV – wow the choices were just so fucking overwhelming.

“Love you.” He as he stood up, having put his loafers on.

“Love you too.” I replied, kissing his lips goodbye.

**

I had agreed to leave Jade to her own devices until Gabrielle arrived, but I just couldn’t. I guess that I was slightly traumatized by what had happened back in Sydney when I didn’t trust my instincts and just take charge of the situation when I was certain she needed a doctor.

Gaby knocked on the door about 5 to 10am. I had earlier informed the security desk that we would be expecting someone so that they could let her on up without phoning us. I didn’t want Jade to have to get up twice. I was going to leave my apartment unlocked. No one was about to sneak in. I hadn’t seen Gaby since she was in a coma. I wasn’t really sure what to expect.

I opened it and smiled a little shyly. I hoped and prayed that she wouldn’t react too fan-like. I didn’t particularly want Jade to be disturbed if she was sleeping. I was greeted by a rather reserved looking girl who looked nothing at all like the one I had witnessed a long time back when I’d first got to know Jade. “You must be Gabrielle.” I stated the obvious.

“I am.” She replied. Her voice was soft. She looked a little startled to see me, but obviously she was trying not to let that throw her. I stepped aside to let her in. She was slender and just a little bit shorter than I was. She had eyes blue as the ocean and hair blond like the ocean – a stereotypical California girl. She was the type of girl that one of my brothers would have thrown themselves at. She was beautiful just as Jade had described her to be, but definitely not my style.

Then again, I supposed I was a biased man.

I extended my hand. “I’m Michael, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

She shook my hand politely and came inside. “Likewise.” She murmured. She looked around my apartment before I told her what was going on. “Jade’s upstairs in bed so feel free to head up there. It’s the first bedroom on the right.”

“Okay… Thanks.” She paused, clutching at the strap on her green handbag. Oh, cherish 1985, I thought, looking down at it. It clashed dangerously well with her light blue jeans and oversized cream sweater. Not like I was one to talk though. “Um, how is Jade doing, anyway? I figured I might be able to get a more honest answer from you.”

Honestly? Jade was mostly grumpy and seemed as though she was getting frustrated with me and would have much preferred being alone – that made me feel a little bad, but I knew that it came with the healing process. “She’s doing well.” I replied as a half-truth. Health-wise she was as well as she could be. “She’s getting a lot of rest.” Finally I smiled, “I think she could really use some new company. I’m sure I’m starting to get on her nerves.”

Gabrielle smiled in return.

“Okay well, look… I’ll see you both later this afternoon. It was nice to meet you again.”

“Nice to meet you too.” Gaby replied and watched me walk out the door.

**

I was seething when Gaby had told me that Michael had greeted her at the door before he had left. It pissed me off that he was pretending to leave to go to work, when really he didn’t trust my own judgment of my health. I was fine. I knew I was fine. What I was sick of was him treating me like I was still on my fucking deathbed. What I needed was for him to just let up a little and let me start to get mobile again.

“Calm down, it’s not a big deal, Jade. He just really cares about you.” Gabrielle told me gently when I relayed my frustration to her. She smiled warmly, tossing her golden hair over her shoulder, “I think you’re kinda lucky. I read the interview—“

Ah yes, the world famous interview. It apparently got picked up by about a thousand stupid freakin’ press agents and reprinted all over the globe. I couldn’t really believe that it was such a huge deal to them. Who hadn’t seen it, was more the question. They even apparently reported on it on all the entertainment television shows.

I hated that I was probably coming across as such an ingrate but – it was so hard. Sometimes I just needed time alone. It was difficult for me to get my head around everything that had gone on and at times, I found myself getting really sad about it. My self-worth had really plummeted since the operation, and my spirits were down. I just sighed and looked at my best friend, someone I hadn’t seen in over a month.

I guess my emotions were written all over my face because her sentence stopped short and she leaned down to hug me tightly. “I’m sorry Jade—I can’t assume to know how you feel.”

That wasn’t entirely true, I thought, it was just under a year earlier that Gabrielle had had her own brush with death. I hugged her back gingerly. My chest was still really sore to the touch.

“You do know.” I replied, feeling my eyes fill with tears. “I just feel like I’m never going to feel one hundred percent at this rate.” I quickly wiped them away.

She looked at me as if she were trying to think up a solution to my bad mood. “You know what? Why don’t you get out of bed, get dressed in some casual clothes and I’ll take you for a drive – we can go sit at the beach or something, just so you can have some fresh air.”

The beach was only walking distance. Well, walking distance if your rib cage hadn’t been forced apart and your chest gashed open. In fact, from the balcony extending from Michael’s family room we could see the sea. That was another thing. I didn’t even know if I felt like leaving the house – I felt like crying just because I could.

“We don’t have to…” She added when she realized how forlorn I was about the whole thing. “Do you want some time alone? I could leave if you wanted me to.” She suggested. Her blue eyes burned in to mine. I could tell she was just desperate to make me feel better.

“No, I don’t want you to go. You just got here.” I answered. I was being selfish. Gaby and I had a lot to talk about. I rubbed my eyes, “Let’s do the beach thing.” I mumbled. I guess I was more-or-less indifferent to the idea. I guessed it would be nice to get out.

**

Gosh it did feel good to get the wind in my hair. It was cool outside, typical fall weather. Gabs and I sat side by side on a bench by the path of a grassy knoll. I hated sand and refused to go down to it unless I was swimming. I felt a little more relaxed.

“I can’t believe you’re engaged.” Gaby murmured, holding my hand in hers, gazing down at my ring longingly. I felt a twinge of guilt. I knew that it was her dream to be married by twenty-five with two kids and a devoted, perfect husband.

Thankfully after her over-dose saga, she had stepped away from her old lifestyle. She stopped seeing her so-called friends, she stopped partying. She now led a very mundane life after moving back home with her parents.

“Me either…” I said quietly. She let go of my hand and I pulled it back in to my lap.

“You know what, Jade—“ She began, “I wished I could have been more like you—I wish that I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. You know, you’ve always been so brutally honest with everyone even if that meant upsetting someone here or there – at least that way people could never accuse you of being a fraud when they got to know the real you.”

I felt my stomach lurch. I knew everything that I used to be was nothing more than a bitter, cynical façade that I liked to believe no one saw through. I didn’t really know what to say to my friend, but she wasn’t finished.

“I mean—I always knew something special was going to happen to you – that you were going to be happy because you never just settled for someone who was simply good enough.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. I don’t know what strange, higher being decided that I was someone worthy of Michael’s love. Something she said kind of stuck a chord within me. “I hope he didn’t settle for simply good enough.” I blurted out.

Gaby smiled. “Of course he didn’t.” I tried to look at my best friend from an unbiased view. She was easily the most attractive woman I’d ever seen. “You’ve always been this beautiful shy, sweet girl- Jade, you’ve just sat back and let everyone have the damn lime-light. I always thought that if you ever just stopped and picked your eyes up from off of your feet, you would have seen that steady line of guys waiting to be with you.”

I almost laughed at the cheesiness of it all. I didn’t quite realize right away that she was trying to have a heart-to-heart with me. I wasn’t good at this, not with Gaby, not with anyone really except my parents or Michael. I guess I’d softened though over the past year. “That’s not true, Gaby. I was a bitter little bitch and you know it. Guys hated me because I was far too much effort.”

She shook her head, trying to contradict me. “I just wish—I don’t know – that I had of listened to you more when you warned me about everything in my life. I wish that I knew then that I didn’t always have to succumb to things that I already knew were bad just to make people like me more. Your friendship with me was worth more than anyone else’s.”

“Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has to make their own. What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.” I replied gently, touching her shoulder. “I guess it’s just a part of growing up, Gabs, these things are supposed to happen.”

She let my sentiments digest for a few moments as we stared off in to our own respective silences. My depressive mood really did seem to bring her down as well, and I felt a bit bad for that.

“Why didn’t you ever tell anyone about Aaron?” She wondered out loud. I was so shocked by hearing his name spoken out loud that my first instinct was to snap at her to mind her own fucking business. Hearing his name was like rubbing citrus juice in to an open wound.

“Why didn’t you ever tell anyone about Kyle?” I shot back. Kyle, as the events had turned was the boyfriend that she had acquired who had raped her not once, twice, but five times – the one she was too scared to leave for fear that the threats he tormented her with would materialize. 

That certainly shut her up. She sighed. “At least you found someone who loves you so much. You are so lucky to have found that.”

“And so will you.” I promised her, “it might not happen right away—but I promise you that someone will see you for just how special you are.” I informed her.

We sat for a few hours talking. We shared some silence until I saw some dick-breath down the path a little taking photographs of us. The stupid paparazzi moved closer with each click of his stupid camera. “We’ve got to go.” I informed Gaby as she noticed him probably the same time I did. I hated the paps. They had been on Michael’s ass whenever he left or came home from anywhere.

She grabbed my hand and helped me up. I moved at the speed of an 86 year-old. I was slow to my feet and had to be careful which way I moved. I was scared that I was going to bust a stitch or something even though everyone had assured me that it wasn’t possible since the stitches that the surgeons had used were dissolvable. “Fuck off!” Gaby spat, as soon as the pap got within a meter of us.

“Let’s just go back home.” I said quietly. It was best not to give them too much attention. Usually it excited them more to have furious photos taken. She put her arm around me protectively. I tried to walk as straight as I could, so as not to signify that I was still very ill. It was hard to stand up straight with my incision. A lot of the time, I walked with a hugely noticeable hunch because it seemed less painful. It wasn’t as bad as it had been and as the days progressed, I was able to stand a little taller.

We got in the car and headed back to the apartment.

**

I was pretty tired once we got back, despite that though, I was in better spirits. I didn’t even care too much about the idiot pap that we had left outside the apartment compound. I opened the door to the apartment and hobbled inside, leaving Gaby to close it behind her. The plan was to retreat to the living room and play our afternoon off like nothing had happened – it was definitely something that I wouldn’t be sharing with Michael.

Too late for that though.

He glanced up expectantly from the couch in the living room, catching both Gaby and I completely off guard. “Where on earth have you been?” he wanted to know, rising up. He put his hand to his forehead that was creased with worry lines. Part of me felt so guilty that he had been concerned, but the other half of me felt angry that I felt as though I had to even answer to him. “I was so worried, where did you go?”

“Hello to you too, Michael.” I responded sharply.

“We just took a short drive down to the beach so Jade could get some air.” Gaby supplied. “But don’t worry, I didn’t let her walk around much.” She quickly added, bless her heart, trying to get me out of trouble and save us all an argument.

I knew Michael was remaining as calm as he could in front of my company, and I too, didn’t want to cause a scene but I felt a belittled and even embarrassed that he was treating me like a child, admonishing me in front of my friend. “You guys could have went out on the balcony.” He pointed to it feebly.

“I wanted to just friggin’ go out, okay?” I finally snapped at him before walking straight past him and taking a seat on the couch. He gave us both a tight smile. I knew he was angry, upset – whatever, but I just didn’t give a shit. I was so over having to answer or ask him each time I wanted something when I knew I was okay to just do it myself.

“Okay. Well, I guess I’ll just be upstairs if you’re looking for me.” He gave Gaby another smile, “I’ll see you next time.”

She returned the smile awkwardly. The tension was so thick that an axe couldn’t have chopped through it. As soon as he was out of earshot Gaby turned to me.

“Jade, I think I should go…”

“Why?” I asked, furrowing my brow, “cause he’s having a wet eye that we left the house for awhile? Come off it. I’m not going to let him treat me like a ten year old, Gaby, now sit down, we’re watching a movie!” I said, grumpily, flipping on the television to indicate that there would be no further argument.

Ah, shit, I was so ironic.

So we sat and watched a movie and slowly my conscience began eating at me. I felt bad that I had clearly upset Michael and ordered my friend to stay when it was obvious that she felt uncomfortable now.

“I’m sorry.” I told her with a sigh after we’d sat in silence watching TV, “If you want to, just go…. I better sort this stuff out.” I sighed.

She gave me a little smile. “Jade, don’t be so mad at him, he’s just worried about you… that’s not a bad thing. It’s gotta be nice to have someone fuss over you, who cares…” her voice trailed off. Suddenly I felt like a jerk, like I should have been grateful that someone cared for me so much, but more than anything I found it all so overbearing. Was I asking for too much? Just to get up and get my own drink now and then or do something besides use the bathroom and carefully bathe?

I didn’t think so, but apparently everyone else did. “I know…” I agreed out of convenience.

“Well… I’ll let myself out.” Gaby replied giving me a kiss on the cheek. I watched after her until I heard the front door close. I lay down on the couch, thinking about calling out to Michael, but I really just wanted to be on my own for awhile.

**

I was livid. I couldn’t figure out why Jade and her friend had thought that she would be okay to go out. There were lots of things that Jade needed to consider before starting to go back in to public. Everyone knew her now, they knew her face, they knew who she was – I didn’t want her to get harassed, I didn’t want anyone to hurt her – and first and foremost, I wasn’t entirely sure she was well enough to be getting around on her own. She barely left bed for more than a few minutes at a time. She had to be careful of getting sick or catching germs because it could highly affect her recovery.

I was so fucking worried about her twenty-four-seven. I hadn’t been able to work with a sound mind since all I could think of was if she was okay at home with her friend. I sighed. I knew Jade was mad at me and I wasn’t at all used to that and it made me a little bit sad. I guess she and I had been together for just over a year now and there were firsts in every relationship. There was a first kiss, first touch, first date, first exchange of “I love you”, -- it made sense that there would be a first time for anger.

Stress had really been taking it’s toll on both of us, I think Jade sometimes failed to realize that extent in which I cared for her. She was still sometimes in the mind-frame that she could only depend on herself when something was wrong – but it wasn’t true. I loved her so much and we were in all of this together. I knew that if the tables were turned she would do the exact same thing for me, regardless of how grumpy and annoyed I got with her.

I slowly descended the stairs with a heavy heart and heavy footsteps.

She glanced at me as I entered the living room and smiled. I was a little bit surprised. For some reason, I had expected that she would get angry with me. I sat down on the edge of the couch beside her. I kissed her forehead. She was sprawled out across the couch with a crocheted blanket that she had told me her grandmother had made for her, over her. She looked really tired which made me feel a little annoyed that she had overexerted herself. “I’m sorry for making you worry, but I was fine. I really just wanted to sit outside for a little while. We were just down at the beach and we didn’t stay that long.” She explained to me.

I didn’t say anything, how could I? She hadn’t meant to worry me. She was sorry. I kissed her lips gently. She kissed me back, showing a sign of wanting more from me than just a quick, peck. I had to admit, it had been such a long time since we had shared any physical intimacy at all. I forgot the last time that we sat and made out. It all came down to not wanting to overdo it with her.

Instead, I gently nuzzled her cheek with a little smile, before pulling away. A cop out, I was sure, but nevertheless, what was the point in working ourselves up? We’d both end up all breathless and full of desire and … she didn’t need that, and quite frankly, neither did I.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, looking at me, slightly hurt.

“Nothing?” I replied as if it were a question.

She frowned at me and then gave a subtle roll of her eyes, turning her attention back to the television.

“You know what I was thinking?” I asked her, to try to smooth over the awkward moment, “I was thinking that maybe we could start going through some bridal magazines or talking to some people about planning and arrangements.”

She seemed to perk up, hearing that. “I’m surprised you didn’t want to put our wedding on hold.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Why? I don’t feel any different about marrying you.” I assured her. “Unless of course…. You want to put it on hold.”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t…” Something was strange in her tone though. I couldn’t really place it. It was like she didn’t really want to talk to me, that my presence was annoying her. I decided that maybe it was best if I left her alone for awhile then. Dejectedly, I rose to my feet.

“Where are you going?” She asked. Mostly, I wore my heart on my face. Everything that I was feeling could be read through my eyes or my facial expression and Jade was the master of figuring each one of those expressions out. I was feeling hurt, and I knew that she could tell.

“Just to give you some space, sorry if I’ve been crowding you—“ I apologized, scratching my ear, trying to make out that I was unphased by the tension that had been building between us over the past few days.

She went to say something but she just closed her mouth. I had expected her to say something, to apologize, to contradict me, to ask me to stop being silly – but nothing.

“Do you want me to get you anything before I go back upstairs?” I asked.

She shook her head, barely taking her eyes off of the TV. I headed to the kitchen. I needed something to eat and some headache pills. I felt one forming. I went to a box that I kept the medicine in above the refrigerator and found the aspirin. I glanced to the countertop to see Jade’s cardio pills sitting there beside a glass of water. She was due to have them soon.

I refilled the glass and took them out to the coffee table to save her having to get up in a short while. When I came back in to the living room she was sitting up, hugging the blanket around her shoulders. She watched me set down the glass of water and her bottle of pills. I didn’t say a word, I didn’t even look at her.

“Michael, are you serious?” She asked incredulously. I gave her my attention.

“What?” I asked, glancing at her quizzically. She looked angry with me. I was surprised. “What’s wrong? What have I done wrong now?”

She exhaled a sigh, “Nothing.”

“No!” I said with irate, “What’s wrong, Jade?”  She gave me the once over and breathed in deeply. I didn’t want to launch in to some fight, but shit, I’d been bending over fucking backwards, and I was just trying to help.

“Michael this has to stop!” She blurted out with exasperation. “I feel like I’m being treated like a frigging child. How the hell am I supposed to recover when you won’t let me? Dr. Lang said it was absolutely fine for me to get around the house as long as I was getting equal amount of rest!” She exploded.

I watched her eyes fill up and overflow with tears as I watched, a little bit stunned. “I love you Michael and I know you care about me, but fuck…” She threw her hands up. “Now you won’t even kiss me because you think I’m going to have heart failure or keel over and die or some shit.”

“Don’t say that!” I shot back angrily, “That’s not even funny to mention.”

She stared me down, making no apology for her outburst. “Michael—Please, just… this is hard enough for me without being made to feel like I’ll never be able to recover. I need your support and encouragement to get my ass up out of bed, to alleviate my boredom—“

“I had no idea you felt that way.” I said emotionlessly. “I was just trying to help.” I added in a softer tone. Damn right I was fucking hurt. I hated that I had upset her, and I hated that she was crying, but why was it so hard to see things from my point of view. “I’ll stay out of your way.”

“No!” She shouted at me, “I don’t want you to stay out of my way and I know you were trying to help – and sweetheart, I know that this is really hard on you, but it’s so freaking hard on me too. You have no frigging idea how bored I am, Michael…”

I grimaced and let out a sigh and before I knew it tears were stinging my eyes. She reached out her hand to me, “We need to really talk about this… please don’t walk away… We haven’t even talked properly since we’ve been home…”

I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted her to get where I was coming from and it hurt me that she didn’t. “I don’t want to talk.” I told her with annoyance and partly it was because I didn’t want to let her see how upset it was all making me.

“Fine, just walk your ass away instead of facing our disagreements like some kind of immature fifteen year old.” She shot back.

That was exactly what I did.