I was cooking dinner when Jade and Gaby arrived home. I was getting good at cooking. It didn’t even matter that I had to call Mom every five minutes to find out if I was doing something wrong, or if I needed more than a spoonful of cooking butter for a creamy pasta sauce.

“Ohh, you’re cooking.” Jade smiled, as they both found me in the kitchen. I whirled around, surprised to find them both standing there. Jade had a huge smile. I could only gather that their expedition had gone well. I didn’t like to linger all over her in front of her Gaby because I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek. “I’m the luckiest girl alive.” She informed me.

I felt myself blushing slightly as Gaby stood back behind the marble breakfast bar and smiled at us both fondly. I liked Gaby, she was really nice and both she and Jade had a great relationship. She was pretty funny too. Jade and I loved funny people.

I hugged her back, giving her a little squeeze and returning her smile. Her smile radiated her natural beauty. She must have had a really good day. She looked so cute. She was wearing a pair of light blue jeans and a plain white Ralph Lauren Polo that I had bought her while I had been in France on tour earlier that year. I kissed her on the temple as I pulled away. “You both look like you had a good day.”

I turned to Gaby, “I’m kind of jealous that you had the pleasure of seeing her in a wedding dress before me.”

Jade and Gaby exchanged smiles that probably said more than they were about to let on. “We did have a pretty good day.” Jade answered, surveying the kitchen to see what I was cooking.

“Well that’s good. You’ll have to tell me all about it.” I was interested to know if she had found the perfect dress that she had been gushing to me about for the past three days.

“How did your day go?” She wanted to know as she took a wooden spoon by second nature and began to stir the pot of cheese sauce that I had on the cook top, simmering.

“It was boring.” I replied, snatching the wooden spoon from her hand. “I’m cooking tonight, so keep away.” I threatened good-naturedly to smack her with the spoon. She smiled and took a couple of steps away from the stove. “The highlight of my day was that I got a call from…” I turned around to face them both with a big smile, “Stevie Wonder.”

“Oh are you serious!” Jade exclaimed. She loved Stevie Wonder. I loved Stevie Wonder and apparently Gaby did too, ‘cause her jaw was on the floor. “Michael, that’s so exciting!”

I nodded, “We’re going to do a song on the next album.” I told them both happily. I knew that I didn’t need to be too wary with my information. Gaby wasn’t stupid, she knew that whatever we talked about at our place was completely classified information.

“Ahhh, that’s so cool! You and Stevie know each other already, though, right?” Gaby wondered. I glanced at her as she tossed her blond hair over her shoulder. I nodded. “Yeah, but … we’re not best friends or anything. He’s such an amazing artist though. I know whatever we work on together will be so good with his input.”

“And yours too. Everything you do is freakin’ amazing.” Jade pitched in.

“You have to say that, Jade, we’re about to get married.” I winked at her.  “Oh, that reminds me – the caterers called to confirm the date and have sent an invoice out. So, that’s all taken care of.”

Jade grinned, “That’s so cool!”

“Ah so everything’s almost done.” Gaby remarked. “How exciting. It’s getting close isn’t it?”

It was only one month ‘til our marriage. I wasn’t getting nervous, just more excited. “All we have to do is call Dave and ask him how he’d feel about being my best man, and then call Janet and ask if she’ll---“ I paused, by the way Jade was shooting looks at me. It dawned on me that she hadn’t spoken to Gaby yet.

“Actually,” She cut in. “Now’s a good time to um…” She nodded toward Gaby. Gaby gave us both a strange look.

I smiled, “Go ahead.” I told her.

“Gab, Michael and I were wondering if you’d like to be my Matron of Honor. I’d love you to be right there by my side on my big day— I’m also asking Michael’s little sister, Janet and another friend, Kendra – but of course, you’re my best friend.”

Gaby grinned. “Are you serious? I would love that, Jade…”

We all shared a smile, glad that Gaby had expected. Actually, we didn’t expect her not to. She seemed really excited by the prospect of it.

“Great.” Jade replied excitedly. “The next thing we have to do is look for dresses for you guys…”

I laughed and shook my head. I didn’t find anything remotely appealing about looking at dresses or flipping through a magazine trying to find something that they wanted to wear.

“Don’t worry Michael, I’m sure Jade will let you off the hook, you don’t have to help.” Gaby teased me, noticing my expression.

“This type of thing is fun for us, you know.” Jade remarked, jabbing me softly in the ribs.

“I know.” I said, as I gave her a little squeeze. I turned to Gaby, “Do you want to hang out for dinner?” I saw her and Jade exchange glances. I knew Gaby was questioning my fiance to ensure that I wasn’t about to poison her with my cooking skills – or lack-of.

“Hey, I’ve learned.” I said defensively. “I’ve come a long way since crunchy pasta, I promise.”

Both of the girls laughed. “Don’t be silly, Michael. I’m not scared of your cooking. I probably do have to get home, though. My Mommy’s probably cooked.” She flashed us her radiant smile that always seemed to light up her face.

“Have you found a new apartment yet?” Jade asked, curiously. Gaby hated living back at home with her parents. She said she’d felt reduced back to a child and that it irritated her to have to report back to them every day.

“No!” She said with annoyance. “But I have to find one soon cause they’re driving me freakin’ bananas.”

I couldn’t imagine anything more irritating than living back at home with my overbearing, too-caring mother.

I sympathized. “Once you’ve lived away from home, you never want to go back…” I agreed.

“Tell me about it…” She murmured. “But, thanks anyway for the offer. I should get going anyhow.”

I said good bye to Jade’s sweet friend and she gave us both a hug and I let Jade walk her out while I tended to our food.

**

Jade and I sat side by side on the couch eating ice cream for our dessert. It was the best kind of ice cream, caramel with fudge swirls. She sat cross-legged, facing toward me and we ignored the TV that was serving as soft background noise. Jade had jumped in the shower as soon as Gaby left and was now in her pajamas with her damp wavy hair against her shoulders. I’d warned her to put it up or dry it properly or else she could catch a cold, but she wasn’t hearing me.

She looked so pretty as she stirred the ice cream in the bowl, watching it melt just a little before taking a new mouthful. “So… I think I found the dress that I want…” She told me, seeming a little shy.

I found myself smiling. I could only imagine how beautiful she would look on our day. “Yeah? Did you buy it or put a deposit down?” I wondered. She had talked about the perfect dress she had seen, and following tradition, she wasn’t allowing me anywhere near the picture to see it. 

She shook her head. “I wanted to talk to you about it first – I know you said you don’t mind the price, but … I was kind of shocked when I found out how much it was.” I felt fondness in my heart grow as I smiled.

“It’s okay.” I promised her. “This is going to be the only day of your life that you’ll be getting married. I’m not worried about prices.”

“It’s six thousand dollars.” She blurted out. “I mean, maybe I could get a replica made.”

Oh Lord, what would it take to get her to realize that money was absolutely no object to me?

I widened my eyes in shock, bulged them, really. “Are you serious? Wow…. Yeah that is pretty expensive, I thought you were going to say around … I don’t know…” I shrugged, throwing up my hands, “maybe three or four hundred.”

I almost couldn’t take watching her face fall, she tried her best not to show it, but I saw the exact fraction of the second when her heart broke. “Seriously, Jade. It’s fine if you want to get that dress, but we’ll have to wipe off at least 40 people from the guest-list to cut costs…”

She went to say something in protest but I cut her off. “Hey, maybe we can check out that little place in Hollywood called Budget Brides... you never know, they may just have some good bargains.” I finished nonchalantly.

Poor Jade, she was staring at me with the state of absolute disbelief spread across her face. She looked ready to burst in to tears at my suggestion. I felt so bad for my attempted humour. Clearly this wedding stuff was serious business and not to be toyed with.

“Jade, relax!” I exclaimed, “I’m just kidding.” I smiled at her warmly and ran my hand along her shoulder as she dropped her spoon and shook her head. “As if I’m going to ever take you shopping in Hollywood!”

“I hate you!” She muttered, slapping me across the arm. I laughed.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized between giggles, “But I told you to just go right ahead, whatever you want is fine – I don’t care if the dress was $20,000 – as long as it’s exactly as you want it to be!” I said, almost as if I was exasperated. “Honestly…”

“Really?”

I raised my eyebrows at her as if to convince her without a word. “I’m serious. I expected your dress to be more expensive than that anyway. Don’t let any costs hold you back from what you want.” I finished, kissing her on the forehead. “And I don’t want to talk about money anymore…”

**

These days, Jade and I went to bed kind of early. She seemed exhausted much easier and slept longer and more peacefully which pleased me. It was a massive relief to me that my baby was getting her strength back. I still worried though, there was no way that I couldn’t. Sometimes she had dizzy spells, she needed to sit for awhile – her physical stamina wasn’t quite the same – a flight of stairs could put her out for at least a few minutes. It was all very normal though, our doctor assured us she would be fine within a few more months all providing she kept active.

I surveyed her as I kicked off my trousers and undressed to my boxers. Sometimes I wanted so much to be physically intimate with her that it burned, but part of me was scared that she just wasn’t up to it, and the other part of me was always consciously aware of that decision I’d made the night of our engagement. Our wedding night would be the most romantic night of our lives.

My brother’s continued to tease me about it, telling me that try before I buy – but, I didn’t need to take a bite of the apple to know that it would be sweet. There was absolutely no way on Earth my beautiful girl before me, waiting so patiently for me to climb in to bed beside her, would fail me. She and I were soulfully connected, we knew each other these days, inside and out. We had seen each other bare, we’d shared our most wounding and scarring stories, we’d shared a tragedy.

I almost shrugged and shook my head as if to react to the stupidity of my brother’s … I didn’t need to have sex to know that there would be no other girl perfect for me. Jade was the only one. I knew that making love to someone that I felt such a deep-rooted connection with, would only make the experience much more amazing. We were both inexperienced, but we would learn together.

“Whatcha thinking about over there with that frown?” Jade asked, a faint smile spread across her thin, pink lips. I glanced at her, a little stunned having been so caught up in my own thoughts.

I just smiled and pulled back the quilt. “Believe it or not…” My voice trailed off as I scooted over, as close as I could, draping an arm around her, “I was thinking about you.”

I propped myself up on my elbow swept my eyes over her beautiful face until they settled, falling in to her green-eyed gaze.

“You little charmer…” She joked, pinching my cheek softly. I laughed at her. It always made my heart swell whenever I saw her smiling. I remembered back to when we had met and how sullen and expressionless she’d seemed. I remembered how hard I had to work even for her to crack a forced smile.

“I was thinking… after we marry… maybe we should move…” I heard myself suggesting. It was something that I’d been thinking about for awhile, I’d had my fairytale dream home the idea that I was currently obsessed with, but I didn’t think too much of letting it become a reality for me just yet.

I engaged her as she held back from speaking with interest. “Maybe we should get out of this seedy city… It can’t be good for your health with all the smog…”

“Where were you thinking of moving to?” She wondered. I absently laced my fingers through hers by her waist and gave a shrug.

“I guess maybe further South, somewhere like Southern California, we could have land… and way more privacy.” I suggested, “But of course, it’s up to you… we could stay, I’m just thinking of other options…”

“We’ll need more room for when we start having the babies…” She smirked.

I always felt riddled with excitement at the idea of having my own child. Getting married definitely posed children as a very huge possibility in my life. “Yeah… I don’t want our kids to get bullied by the paps each time they want to play outside.” I confessed, trying not to let my grin get too broad at the very thought of our own little creation’s running around.

“You know what?” Jade began as she settled closer, moving in toward me. She always did this when she was ready to just talk until we went to sleep, rather than just saying goodnight and drifting off in to our own respective silences. I found myself gently grazing my thumb over her bare skin at her waist.

“What?”

“Sometimes I’ll be doing the most trivial things, and getting worried about them – like, spilling food on the floor when I’m cooking, or I’ll stress if my jeans have a tiny little spot on them – you know, the most trivial things…” Her voice trailed off. I nodded to show her that I was listening attentively.

“And then… I’ll suddenly think of what happened back in Australia and I’ll realize how precious life actually is and how short it could possibly be…”

I hated it when she thought negatively, but I wasn’t entirely sure that’s what she was doing. I waited for her to finish before I jumped in with anything. I just gave her my full attention, not taking my eyes off her the whole time.

“I just think that I want to make all of my dreams come true while I can, you know? I want to travel with you more. I want to learn to do different things, read more… experience life properly, you know? I think that’s what I envy about you, sweetheart – your life has been so amazing. No one could ever accuse you of having a boring life.”

I kissed her softly and smiled, grateful for the compliment. “You don’t have to rush life, baby, I know we had a close call, but – that doesn’t mean we don’t have any time left – we can travel together, of course – but I know we both have plenty of years ahead of us.”

“I want to start a family.” She said, as if she were sighing.

“Right now?” I asked, feeling a little confused by her sudden admission. Of course it wasn’t the first time we shared a common interest in becoming parents, but her confession sounded so immediate that I had to stop and take stock.

She giggled and smoothed my fuzzy cheek with her forefingers. “When we marry. I don’t want to wait. If it’s meant to happen, it will, right?”

I felt excited and nodded dumbly. “Do you think…” I paused to try to be sensitive about the way I worded myself, “that you might have to wait for awhile before you’re healthy enough to fall pregnant?” I wondered.

Jade half-shrugged, “I can do anything I want to do three months post-op. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but we can make sure.”

I couldn’t help it. I was so taken by her that I had to express myself somehow. I kissed her gently on her lips until she eased back on to the pillow comfortably, and then I locked my lips over hers with more force. She chuckled at my sudden show of physical affection and I felt her thin arm slide around my waist.

I liked the wetness of her lips, the slipperiness of our kiss and the feel of the almost tense passion between us. I didn’t like to take things too far for fear of not wanting to stop, and Jade never wanted to lead me on just to stop me later… I usually backed off quicker than I began, but sometimes it was tough. During those times, I’d find myself questioning what the hell I was waiting for.

Jade broke off the kiss, out of breath and I went back to my own side of the bed. I mumbled an apology even though I knew she was fine, it was more to myself than anyone else.

Nothing really mattered anyway, in less than six weeks, I was going to be marrying Jade and then we were going to have children and we’d travel the world as a family.

Life was pretty freakin’ sweet.

**

I felt myself sucking in my tummy as I tore at the corners of the adhesive cotton padding that covered my surgery incision. I winced gingerly as I pulled, afraid it would hurt. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror; silently hoping that it wouldn’t be as hideous looking as it had the last time I’d changed the dressing. I was pleased with the way I looked, otherwise. I liked how my jeans sat snug on my waist, my stomach as flat as it had ever been. I’d gone a down a bra-size and I liked the way they filled out the cups aptly. It wasn’t terribly necessary to still be wearing the cotton gauze but I hated the idea of looking at a fresh scar, and even more so, having Michael catch a glance anytime soon.

A knock at the bathroom door interrupted me. “Yeah?” I called. I guessed it was Michael. He had a habit of wanting to come in while I was taking a bath, insisting it was the best time to have a conversation with me. He mostly even promised that he wouldn’t peek at me. It was cute. Normally I didn’t really mind, it wasn’t like I was super-duper prudish. We passed that stage during my sickness when he’d been the one helping me in and out of my pajamas – but it was different when I had a steady head and could do things on my own.

Inside of me there was a fear that if I let him in on too much too early he’d be desensitized to the idea of seeing me naked, that nothing about it would be a turn on anymore.

“It’s me, sweetheart. Michael told me you were up here changing your dressing.” Katherine’s voice echoed through the door.

I hesitated for a second. “You can come in…” She opened the door and let herself in, closing it behind her. I smiled faintly at her in greeting as I gave most of my attention to getting the sucker off my skin without it pulling and hurting.

“Do you need any help?” She asked, watching me with a little smile.

“I’m okay, I’m just trying to pull it off without ripping all my skin off too.” I semi-joked. It was a hundred times worse than ripping off a band aid since my scar tissue was still tender.

“Did you know…” Katherine began, “There’s a trick to this kind of thing…” She enlightened me. She promised she would return in a few moments.

I waited patiently, sitting on the edge of the bathtub for her to come back with this fabulous end to the torture of taking this stupid shit off.

“Here we go…” As per her word, she wooshed back in holding a bottle of some kind of natural oil that was used for cleaning. It sure smelled a treat. She handed me a cotton puff. “If you wipe it against your skin as you go, it dissolves the adhesive.”

I felt a smile coming to my lips. I gave it a go, and shockingly, it worked. “Thanks… that’s such a relief…” I beamed.

Katherine returned my smile. “I had a c-section with Janet, I went through the same pain with the scarring. Thankfully mine wasn’t as large.”

Right, I thought, I got stuck with the ass end of the deal.

“Hopefully it’ll fade.” I murmured, daring to glance up in to the mirror at the uncovered incision.

“It’s not too bad.” She tried to comfort me, reading from my expression alone that I was pretty grossed out by the way it looked. “It’ll clear up…”

“I know… but.” I paused. “It’s just such a turn off…” I remarked, before pulling a tank top over my head. There was no way to tell Michael’s sweet Mom that on the night I planned to let her son make a woman out of me, I would have preferred to have been scar-free.

It was a mental image that I quite frankly wasn’t about to share with her.

“At least you have your perfect health, darling.” She told me quite frankly. It did help for someone to help me gain a bit of perspective, “And that’s the most important thing. Your family—us, we don’t find any bit of you a turn-off, Jade, we are grateful to have you in our lives any which way you decide to come.”

Well.

How the fuck could I argue with that? I was certainly chuffed up and overwhelmed by her kind words. I felt tears brimming my eyes. “Thank you.” I tried to blink them away before she could notice, but she knew how much what she said, meant to me, and reaffirmed her words with a hug.

“What’s going on?” Michael asked, poking his head in the door. I knew that I made a big deal out of him shaving, but he had shaven earlier in the morning and his smooth baby face and large questioning eyes made me smile with delight.

His hair was all neat and slick as he usually wore it. He saw that it was safe to come in, and opened the door all the way.

“It’s nothing that concerns you, mister.”

I just smiled at my husband-to-be. Michael and I had grown really talented at communicating through our eyes. I gave him a look that told him I was fine, that there was nothing to worry about. He had been alarmed, walking in, thinking that I was upset – but he seemed to relax.

“Jade, your family are about to turn up any moment and I need you to show me what goes in to the potato casserole again…” He was stressing, even if he was speaking to me pleasantly. I knew beneath it all he was nervous.

We were having dinner with the whole family. Well, not the whole family, just Michael’s parents and Janet was to arrive independently. My parents were invited too. They had flown my Grandma in from San Francisco to come and spend some time in Los Angeles with us.

Grandma lived with Mom’s brother and I guess they all needed the break. She was getting older and having a lot of trouble getting around these days. She’d only been living in the Bay area for a couple of years, and I’d only seen her twice since she left L.A. My grandma was sweet, she called me regularly and checked in on me through my parents quite often.

I’d been very close to her, growing up but a lot had changed through my teenage years. My grandma was very, very excited to meet Michael. I wished he was expressing a little of the same feeling.

Katherine placed her hand on her son’s shoulder. “Relax, honey.” She told him. “We’ll be down in just a second. You look fine, your hair is fine, the casserole, I’m sure is going to be okay for a few moments…”

Michael grimaced. I knew he hated his mother involving herself in a conversation and answering for me. He threw a glance at me as if to tell me that everything that she had just said meant nothing.

“I’ll be down in just a sec.” I promised. “I’m just fixing my hair up.” I added, pointing to my hair that I wanted to tie back.

He took my word for it and left us to it.

“Goodness knows why he’s so worried…” Katherine remarked. I knew why he was worried, but it was something that I’d never tell his Mom.

Michael had originally just invited my family over. He wanted to cook, I was leaving him to it – he was nervous that it wouldn’t go to plan, even though I had one hundred percent faith in him. He then mentioned to his father that we were all having dinner. Joseph expressed an interest in wanting to meet my parents again under much nicer circumstances.

Michael invited him.

He was scared that his father would say or do something embarrassing. He was even more fearful that if something went wrong his father would humiliate him in front of everyone. I knew more than anything, Michael wanted to prove himself to his father. He wanted to show him that he was capable of looking after himself, being an adult, succeeding in other areas of his life besides music.

That was the part that pissed me off.

Joseph had done such a shitty job at raising his kids. They all had severe complexes. Because of his little regard for women, some of the boys had grown up objectifying every single female they’d ever been with. Marlon, Jackie and Michael, on the other hand, had turned out the complete opposite. They seemed to be complete push-overs when it came to helping other people out, girlfriends and such because they longed to be everything their father wasn’t.

Lucky for Jackie and Michael, they’d both managed to meet reasonable partners – even if I did so myself… Michael’s other sisters were so appalled by their father and so far, LaToya and Rebbie had been alienated to the point that they wanted little to do with the family.

Although deep down I knew that each kid in his family all had one thing in common – they longed so much for their father to love and accept them as they were. I knew Michael was seen upon as the lucky one for the moment – Joseph was changing his ways toward him, and it was all because of what had happened to me.

As much as I disliked Joseph, and as much as he made my skin crawl, I really did believe that people could change. I was reserving my judgment about him for awhile.

“Yeah…who knows…” I replied absently as I fastened my hair in to place by a banana clip. “There… I suppose I better go help out before he has a toxic explosion.” I joked. I smiled at his mother, “And thanks for what you said – I really appreciated that so much.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” She replied with a warm-hearted smile. “I meant every word.”