Chapter 37

I glanced to Jade who had just returned back to the kitchen to check on me. I was so pleased to see her. I stood over the casserole trying to remember how I’d made it the first time. She saw my troubled expression and smiled. “The potato slices and then the sour cream, baby.” She reminded me, her smiling prompting encouragement.

“Oh, right…” I nodded coolly when inside I was praying for nothing to screw up. I heard a voice coming through to the kitchen, so familiar and sweet. “Oh! Janet’s here.” I grinned. I hadn’t seen my little sister in about a month and a half. Jade knew I was really looking forward to her arrival.

“Go say hello…” She instructed me, “I’ll put this in the oven for you.”

“Thanks.” I murmured making my way out to see her. My sister was looking around my apartment curiously, trying to find me.

Her eyes lit up as soon as she fixed them upon me. It was true, Janet and I were probably the closest out of all my brother’s and sisters. I beamed as she threw her arms around me. I lifted her just slightly off the ground.

She hugged me back tightly. “It’s so good to see you!” She admitted.

“You too.” I replied with a light hearted laugh as she was squeezing the life out of me. “You look gorgeous.”

“Thanks.” She smiled, pulling away. I took her hand, “Come say hello to Jade, she’s doing so much better since the last time you saw her.” I winked.

Janet had seen Jade just a few days after we’d arrived home back to California and it had been a pretty somber occasion. She seemed excited to see her. I was so glad that my sister got along so well with Jade. Janet didn’t have a lot of true friends, in fact, I wasn’t even sure that she had any besides me and my brother Randy who she was very close to. She needed a female friend and besides having the usual advisors and my mother, I wasn’t sure that there was anyone else.

Jade was sensible and smart and the perfect role model for my little sister. I wanted them to grow to be close just as she had with my mother.

We were interrupted by my father tapping me politely on the shoulder. “Michael, Jade’s parents and grandmother have arrived.”

**

We all sat down in the formal dining room. We had to pull out the chair from my desk in the study so that Janet could squeeze in beside Mom. It felt weird to be the king of the table, to sit at the head of it where I was very much used to my father sitting. This was my house though, I reserved the right to sit at the head of the table. And, almost spitefully, I made sure John, Jade’s father sat at the other end. I wanted to unarm my father at this particular little gathering as much as I could.

Jade’s grandmother was adorable. She had curly white hair and wore glasses that framed eyes that exacted her granddaughters. She was very sweet. She stood about 5ft tall and had assured me that once she was taller, but old age had shrunken her at least half a foot. She was a woman of whom I was certain had once been very beautiful Every line and wrinkle in her face showed the life of one of whom had always been happy.

I couldn’t figure out why it was so easy for me to relax around Jade’s family, but so difficult to be myself in front of mine. Her parents and grandmother joked with me, they teased me and made me feel like I was their own blood – but something was awkward and tense with my own family. When my family teased me – well apart from Janet and Mom – there was spite within it. When my family save Mom and Janet showed me affection – it was only ever in public to show good face. Nothing was ever genuine or without ulterior motive. I was always on-guard, waiting to be disappointed by someone.

Jade’s family, I supposed, recognized that I was a 26 year old man – one who was only human – before anything else. I guessed that they recognized that I had an entire world upon my shoulders that I tried my darnedest to detach myself from whenever I was with their daughter, because I needed to keep up that normalcy. I never wanted anything about us to become larger than life. – I realized that that was what had ruined my family. We were a musical empire before we were anything else. My mother knew it too, but by the time she figured it out, there wasn’t much she could do about it.

I was glad though that I had learned from their mistakes – I was sure to never let that become of my own family, and I had a chance to make sure that history didn’t ever repeat itself like my father had promised me that it would.

I felt a fair bit of relief overcome me as I knew the first part of the night – the cooking—had come off without a hitch. Or so I hoped, no one had eaten yet. I set down the potato casserole on to the table. Janet was helping me serve as I had insisted that Jade sit down and relax. Yes, I was still paranoid of her overdoing it, I was less vocal about it though, and mostly let her do what she wanted, but this night was different. I didn’t want her to lift a finger.

We arranged everything nicely in the centre of the table, I had managed to roast chicken by some grace of God, and I hoped so much that everything was just perfect. I breathed a subtle sigh as I took my place at the table.

I knew I had to say something. I could feel my cheeks burning as I got a series of compliments of how great everything looked from Jade’s grandmother and her parents. Actually, my father was the only one who had not spoken a word – and for some reason, it made me feel so negatively judged.

You’re just waiting for me to fuck this up… I couldn’t help but to think as I gave him a brief glare.

Before I went to speak up, Jade beat me to it. She was smiling at me with so much encouragement and took my hand over the table and gave it a bit of a squeeze. I was a pretty easily humbled man. I didn’t like it when people paid me compliments, especially ones that weren’t entirely true.

“Michael and I are so happy to have you guys all here tonight, together with us. Joseph, Katherine, she gave each of my parents a smile, Mom, Dad, Gran and you too Janet. Michael has spent the entire day preparing this meal for us, and I can feel my mouth watering…”

Yep, my cheeks were probably very rosy. I gave a little chuckle before she turned to me, “So thank you, Michael.” I knew the thank you was for much more than just the meal. There was a lot more underlying in her eyes. For a moment I forgot my embarrassment and basked within the love that I felt for her. I felt myself smiling.

“You’re welcome.” I heard my voice murmur as my heart swelled with warmth. I turned my attention back to our dinner guests. I looked to my father who, had a strange small smile upon his lips.

It was on a rare occasion that I found my father smiling and more scarce that he was smiling genuinely about something that was as simple as the joy shared between my fiancé and I. Briefly, I was convinced that there was some kind of spite behind his apparent happiness, but I wrote it off pretty quickly, not wanting to let myself succumb to bitterness. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“I wanted to say welcome to you, Ivy.” I nodded toward Jade’s grandmother. “It’s a pleasure to meet another member of her family.” I told her sincerely. She smiled showing a perfect set of teeth.

Ah, good old dentures.

“Also… I don’t want to go on about this too much, but. I think this is the first time since being in Australia that any of us have really got together properly. I just…” I could hear my voice starting to waver a little as I grew a little more sentimental, “I guess I just wanted to say... that not one moment goes by that… I uh…” I was too scared to glance at Jade incase tears began to well up my eyes. I paused, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even think about it. “Well – I’m just happy to have Jade beside me, and I know you all feel the same.” I punked out on saying anything more.

Everyone else agreed. Jade thanked me by kissing my lips very briefly. “Well!” I exclaimed, not wanting our dinner party to turn somber, “Let’s eat—shall we?”

This seemed like the greatest idea. When I glanced back to my father he gave me a smile and a nod. To me, the nod felt like the warmest hug I had ever been given. It was one of approval and acceptance, that what I had said was just the right thing. I returned a very restrained smile. I wanted to grin at him, but as always everything was a game of emotional poker with my father. I never ever wanted to give my hand away. I wanted to bluff him in to thinking that what he thought of Jade and I mattered not.

But gosh, for some reason, his approval, his acceptance of her – his happiness for us as a couple meant more to me than anyone else’s opinion could have.

After the ooh-ing and ahhing subsided, everyone began to help themselves. I waited for everyone to serve before I made my effort. Despite my prompting, Jade waited as well. I noticed Mom eyeing off the potato, but wasn’t quite able to reach that far.

“Let me help…” I smiled gently at her, taking the plate from her hands.

“Thanks sweetie.” She replied as she sat back down at the table.

I remembered back to how my mother still up until just a year ago had been the one to serve my plate at the table to ensure that I ate enough. She thanked me again as I returned her plate and she continued to serve the rest of the meal.

“Do you want some of this casserole?” I asked Jade, taking her plate to fill it for her. I figured it was a gentlemanly thing to do. She gave me a grateful nod. “I can get it you know…”

I just smiled and ignored her. “Tell me what else…” I changed the subject.

I was relieved when everyone began eating. Conversation was sparse to begin with, but it sort of picked up once my father broke the ice. I was surprised, actually, and I could tell my sister was. She raised her eyebrow at me as soon as he asked Jade’s grandmother a question.

My Dad was one of those to-the-point type people. The kind of man that never was really all that interested in idle chit-chat, he wanted to get right to the point and never beat around the bush so some kind of social setting was probably harder for him than I gave him credit for. I was worried that Jade’s parents and grandmother would find him rude and abrasive as sometimes he came across to be – but so far he hadn’t even shown me any signs that I was finding rude or abrasive.

“Did you just arrive from San Francisco today?” He wondered. I just smiled, it was brief, but a start.

“Yes…” Ivy replied politely, looking up to meet my father. She spoke in a soft and slower kind of voice. It wasn’t the type of tone that made you feel like hurrying the person on, but rather I found her voice relaxing. “But I’m staying with John and Maureen for the rest of the month.”

“Oh, how nice.” My mother remarked, “Do you have any big plans?” I knew that she was trying to help Dad along. I guessed it was tiny things like that that made me certain that Mom and Dad still really cared for one another.

I sat back and kind of watched the conversations as I ate. Jade’s Mom, Maureen was asking Janet lots of questions, engaging her. Janet had immaculate manners despite the fact that she was really shy. She was still very much a child in some ways, but other ways she seemed so grown up. When I’d heard her music and the things that she was singing about … Love… My sister had never even been in love so it was so weird to hear her singing about it.

I ate in silence, watching everyone. No one seemed to be avoiding any kinds of food on their plate which was a good sign that everything tasted fine. I chewed quietly on my roast chicken, lost in my own thoughts until Joseph interrupted me.

“And what about you?” he asked.

I glanced up to find my parents and Ivy both staring at me waiting for a response. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“Do you have some idea of where you’re taking Jade on your honeymoon?” Jade tuned in suddenly to our conversation.

Shit. I’m actually glad it had come up, otherwise I wouldn’t have even thought of it. I was so focused on the planning of everything else, that the honeymoon had been the farthest thing from my mind.

“Oh…” I tried to sound all smooth but the look on Jade’s face, one of amusement mixed with a little bit of embarrassment told me that she knew I had no idea. “Well… sort of.” I tried to play it off.

“We haven’t really been too focused on that just yet, have we?” she tried to save me. I just gave a little chuckle. I hated being put on the spot.

“Well, better not leave it up to Michael, he’s about as spontaneous as taking you to a McDonalds drive thru.” My father remarked cuttingly. I knew that he was just trying to be funny, but how the fuck would he know about how spontaneous I could be with my girl?

No. You are about as spontaneous as taking Mom to a drive-thru… And I bet he’d still manage to fuck it up. I felt my cheeks blushing.

“Aww, that’s not true.” Jade took it good-naturedly. I smiled dumbly. I felt a little bit humiliated, I couldn’t help it. The small daggers he made hurt the most. “Michael is very spontaneous.”  I felt her hand on my shoulder, as if to tell me that she had my back.

This seemed to interest my dad. “And how so?” It was almost challenging, but perhaps I was taking it more personal than it had been intended.

“For instance, just last night Michael came home from the studio with a bunch of flowers and chocolate…” She replied, “And I don’t know if you noticed, but he writes me a new message on the white-board on the refrigerator every morning… and nice little notes and-“

“They get the picture.” I quickly interjected. I didn’t want her to give away all my secrets. I wanted to keep at least a little of my masculinity intact. We all kind of chuckled.

“You’d be right to take an example from your son.” Katherine joked, nodding toward me, while staring at my Dad.

I expected my Dad to call me a sissy or something, but he didn’t he just closed his mouth and continued to eat, giving my mother a smirk.

I hoped so hard to get through dinner as pain free as possible.

 **

 Thankfully everything was running smoothly. After dinner we retreated to the living room. My Mom and Maureen insisted on making tea and coffee and Mom tried to drag Janet in to washing dishes, but I insisted on them leaving my sister alone. Jade and I would take care of mess later.

“Going very well.” Jade remarked discreetly in to my ear as she sat down close to me. I smiled knowingly.

Dad and John were engaging in conversation about working hard labor. I guess it must have been refreshing for my father to talk with someone real. It also wasn’t often we were around ‘normal’ people. He spent a lot of time with industry people, trying to find his niche, trying to take part in business ventures. Unfortunately, he wasn’t a very good businessman, but I would have never let him in on that little secret. He never seemed to make any money, just spend it. He wasn’t used to sitting back and chewing the fat, he was more in to schmoozing. This would have done him the world of good.

“What are you up to tomorrow?” Jade asked my sister so was slinking down beside her in to the comfortable couch. She gave a huge yawn and shrugged.

“I have a day off so I’ll probably hang out at home.”

I could feel Jade linking her arm around mine, finding my hand to hold. “Why don’t you stay and hang out here with us?” I suggested, “I’m going in to the studio for a couple of hours or so in the morning, but apart from that—“

Janet considered the invitation, “Are you sure, I don’t want to interrupt anything…” A sly smile followed. I gave her a shove in the arm playfully.

“Don’t be silly.” Jade added, “We’re just going to be watching movies and stuffing our faces with junk as usual.”

“Shhh…” I nudged her. “People are going to start thinking that’s all we do in our spare time.” I almost had to laugh at the blank expression she gave me in return.

“But… it is?”

We all laughed together. “Okay. Are you sure you have the room for me to stay?”

“Oh, shut up…” I rolled my eyes at my kid sister.

**

Everything was so peaceful and conversation came easy to everyone since they’d all been so well stuffed at dinner. Everything so far had been successful much to my relief. I started to feel butterflies in my tummy as I got up from the lounge chair and turned to my Mom. I gave her a little nod as if to indicate that I was ready.

I was so nervous. Talking in front of a crowd of five hundred thousand people was so much easier than speaking in front of five or ten people. Jade looked at me expectantly. I let my eyes give away nothing. I just smiled at her.

“So uh…” I cleared my throat. “I just have something I want to say… if uh… if that’s okay.” I cleared it again. Actually, if my father hadn’t been there – this whole shebang would have been very simple and relaxed. He made the nervousness paramount to what was encumbering me at that moment.

Conversation paused. I glanced back down at Jade for inspiration. She knew I was up to something. Curiosity was written all over her face. I envisioned us together at the end of the aisle, arm in arm – her in her beautiful wedding gown, me in my suit… I smiled to myself fondly at the thought.

I smoothed down my shirt and looked around to see that I had everyone’s attention. “Okay.” I exhaled a deep breath, my nerves very obvious. “The night that I proposed to Jade was supposed to be absolutely perfect.” I confessed. “And… well, it was for the most part up until—we got back to the hotel… I wish I could still remember that night for what it was supposed to be rather than what it turned in to.” I added, hearing my voice a little bit shaky.

“Aw, Michael…” I heard my fiance’s sympathetic voice try to comfort me. She reached up for my hand. I took it in mine and gave it a little squeeze.

I swallowed hard. “Before that night we only thought we knew trials and tribulations together. We thought that we were a union that couldn’t be stronger—but we had no idea.” I turned to Jade, and tried to ignore everyone else for the moment. Her eyes were a little watery. I took her hand with both of mine. “But… we were wrong. What we’ve been through now proved that together we’re so much more. We survived through silly fights, through life or death situations—and our strength with your fighting spirit just showed to me that our dedication to our relationship can’t be matched – ever.”

She had a few tears sliding down her cheeks. I leaned over and wiped them away. “And I love you and already I’ve told you that there is no one else that I’ve ever wanted so badly to spend the rest of my life with – build a family with and grow old with…” I breathed in deeply. I wasn’t going to let myself cry.

“Anyway…” I paused, “I want Jade and I to have another chance to reflect back and know that we spent our engagement with the ones in our lives who we love the most, so that you all can share the happiness that we’ve found together.”

I dared to look around and saw that my Father was kind of staring off, as if he wasn’t paying any attention. I felt a little bit hurt, but then I saw water glistening in his eyes. I felt a knot in my stomach. My father was experiencing positive emotion? Well ain’t that some shit… I thought.

I knelt down before Jade. I grinned at her, feeling as though I could do anything. It was strange the way my Dad’s approval seemed to rule over every tiny little feeling that I harbored. “And I know you’ve already accepted, but I suppose this is an opportunity for you to either run away or confirm your first decision…”

She grinned back at me through her tears. I slid her engagement ring from her finger with a little chuckle. “Will you marry me?” I asked perching the ring above her hand. The diamond sparkled in the light, as Jade eyed it and then glanced back up at me.

“Of course I will…” She murmured in return. I slipped the ring on her finger as I felt her warm, smooth hands slide around my neck. She leaned in to kiss my lips softly. “I love you so much…”

Everyone around us clapped, including my father. I looked around, smiling bashfully. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. Also – including my father.

“This is a cause for champagne.” Joseph announced, jumping up out of his seat, with Mother following. We’d had this all planned out together. I thanked god that everything was turning out as it should.

Jade’s parents and her grandmother gave us their congratulations as Dad and Mom returned. Janet gave both of us hugs.

Dad poured glasses for everyone, but I didn’t drink, and neither did Jade. We held the glasses just to be polite. “Can I just say, that I am very happy to have Michael as part of our family.” John exclaimed happily. “I have never ever witnessed any greater joy of my daughter than the joy she has with him, and I couldn’t have wished for a finer young man as my son-in-law.”

I ducked my head shyly. I didn’t expect Joseph to say anything, but he surprised me. “Also, I’d like to say something…” He began awkwardly. I felt my mother touch my shoulder as if to assure me that it would be fine. My breath caught in my throat as I silently prayed for him not to embarrass me.

I don’t really know what Jade’s family expected of my Dad, since I’d kind of only ever bad mouthed him, but he was really making a liar out of me so far. They seemed to like him okay which was great, since he in turn seemed to really like her family. I could tell by the way he continued to make conversation and didn’t bug my mother to leave early. He was notorious for making an uncomfortable scene.

Jade’s grasp on my hand tightened. “I have been a very hard father.” He began, stumbling a little on his choice of words. “At first I didn’t really see eye-to-eye with Michael when it came to Jade. I didn’t really believe it was serious, and then I didn’t want to believe it was serious. My first meeting with Jade was one that didn’t really leave a great impression on either of us, but hopefully that’s all in the past now. I recognized during one instance while we were in Australia just how much this beautiful young woman does for my son. I always knew it would be very difficult for my son to find someone who would treat him normally, to disregard his successful career and treat him as just a man…”

I’d never heard my father speak from his heart before, and it was truly moving. I swallowed a lump in my throat and listened.

“But he found her. I will admit I’ve been skeptical of all of my son’s choices in women, some of those suspicions have turned out to be justified, and some not. I couldn’t be happier with Michael’s choice.” He looked to Jade, “I would like to welcome you to my family, and wish you and my son a very happy future.”

Dad made his way over to us and gave me a hug, and then Jade. It was a little bit awkward, but I knew it was from the heart. “Thank you.” I said, feeling more like we’d just shaken hands on a business deal than anything else. It didn’t matter though, I felt like a million dollars.

“Let’s raise our glasses to Michael and Jade, we wish you both long-lasting happiness with a wonderful and bright future together.”

The clinking of glasses could be heard in the background, but I kind of phased it all out as I hugged my girl really tight. I was so proud that together we’d come so far. I kissed her forehead and pulled her close so that our bodies pressed against one another. I secured my arm around her waist, not ever wanting to let go.