Reviewer: 2DreamFire Signed
Date: Nov 20, 2014 Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Awesome! Read this story in an hour, I liked it that much! Lena is my favorite OC out of all the stories I've read. Keep up the great work! :)

Reviewer: 2DreamFire Signed
Date: Oct 24, 2014 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

This is really good. I'll be looking forward to the next installment!

Author's Response:

Finally updated!

Reviewer: 2DreamFire Signed
Date: Nov 08, 2014 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 11: Vignettes of a life lived in twenty years

I hope you don't mind that I'm leaving you another review, but on the subject of the whole PTSD thing, I'm really glad you included that. My mother is a psychologist, and I've read every single one of her psychology textbooks, and Michael would definitely fall under something that's a bit like PTSD but not quite. It's called Complex PTSD or Complex Trauma. Here's a link if you want to read about it:

Complex Trauma

And, while I do think that Michael definitely needs to own and make up for his actions, they are understandable given what he's revealed about himself and the life story represented in this chapter. That doesn't excuse them, of course, but I don't think he was just being an asshole for the heck of it.

I think you've done a wonderful job presenting Michael as a multi-faceted character and love how you've taken the risk of exploring his psychology. His PTSD (which I believe is likely Complex Trauma), his inability to understand his emotions in that moment, and his deeply rooted insecurites are all valid explanations for his behavior.

Author's Response:

AWESOME!! Thank you so much!! (and why the heck would I ever mind more feedback, bahaha!)

The PTSD thing has been a thorn in my side bc I know (and I think we all know) that he had a lot of issues stemming from his appearance and his past, but to just write that off as PTSD isn't exactly fair or true. I think the description he gave Julia about how he thinks/feels actually fits the idea of Complex Trauma really well! So thank you so much for giving me an exact term for it. Now how to develop the storyline according to this new information... ;) ;)

Reviewer: 2DreamFire Signed
Date: Nov 08, 2014 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 11: Vignettes of a life lived in twenty years

I applaud you for taking the risk of writing from Michael's point of view, and not only his current thoughts and feelings, but his past ones too. You did a great job of presenting him as a person with multiple layers, which is especially important given the fact that, as you already stated, he was a real person.

The events that went on in his life were so sad and messed up, and it makes me ache for him. I like your interpretation of his reaction to those events, and I feel you presented them as accurately, realistically, and with as much sympathy as is possible. Michael had some very real insecurities, and you brought up that aspect of his personality well.

Once again, I'm looking forward to the next installment! :)

Reviewer: 2DreamFire Signed
Date: Feb 05, 2015 Title: Chapter 29: Chapter 27: The Other Side PT. 2

Gaaah, I'm back to reviewing every single one of your chapters!! I haven't reviewed since Chapter 22, "Tip #3: Take her on a surprise trip PT. 2" because I have been without Interent access -- boo :/ I am soooo happy I get to read your story again!! Wow, you went on an updating spree! :D Get ready for a loooong review.

So, starting with Chapter 22:

Okay, so this was a big turning point of a chapter, so I'm going to dedicate a good portion of my review to it. I'll start with the small little details and scenes that I love <3

Number one: Janelle is aweeeesomme! I love her when she's drunk. I died at the whole "spooning Michael" bit. I couldn't stop laughing! Just getting that visual in my head and envisioning her freak-out afterwards was priceless.

Number two: your desrciptions and the little details you add that allow the reader to become immersed in your story! For example, when they were playing Scrabble, lots of authors may have just written, "Then, they played some Scrabble," and would have left it at that. You actually took the effort to engage the reader by writing out how the game would actually be played between Michael and Julia -- you even included what letters they had!

And, hahahaha at the word Yucca! I find it funny because I'm Hispanic (English is actually my second language), and in my culture, Yucca is a very common dish and my family regularly eats it. It's the first time I've ever seen it mentioned in a written work.

Number three: You assume your readers are intelligent people and trust that they'll pick up on the little hints and bits of foreshadowing that are sprinkled throughout the chapters. A mistake I've unfortunately seen a lot in writing is that the author basically spells out everything that is going on and doesn't leave anything for the reader to surmise on their own or figure out for themselves. That leaves a story without suspense or intrigue. I wonder what Bill knows that we don't... And, Michael's health is worrying.

Number four: You adeptly tackle the subject of Michael's fame. The crowds, the media, the strategies to avoid causing a scene, etc. It's not just a passing thought in your story that's once in a while mentioned in a short sentence. You accurately convey that his fame was something he had to deal with everyday and was a huge part of his life. I can completely imagine a Disneyland trip actually ending up like it did in this chapter.

And, now, the biggest plot point addressed in this chapter: the proposal to Diana! This part genuinely made me sad. You expertly expressed Michael's adoration and later utter desperation and broken heart for Diana. The dialogue was spot on. The repeated words were used very effectively to demonstrate Michael's nervousness, Diana's shock, and the emotional weight of the situation. Michael taking the pills to dull his pain (Physical vs Mental? You're starting to blur the lines here), aimlessly wandering the beach without purpose, and finally, throwing the ring into the vast ocean... Oh, my heart! Just... Very well-done! *Claps*

Chapter 23 "... Take her on a surprise trip PT. 3":

Oh. My. Gosh. They kissed!!!!!! They finally kissed!! Well, technically, this was their second kiss, but still! The build-up to that moment was amazing! I felt the tension rising as all of the emotions of the day climaxed, and I just knew that something was going to happen between Julia and Michael. It was unexpected, but sooooo perfect!

And, oh gosh, the photographers managed to snag a picture of Julia. Well, it was inevitable. She couldn't stay secret from the media forever. And Michael couldn't stay secret from Harry forever. Horrible way for him to find out, though... Poor lad.

"Yeah... I hope Diana doesn't see it."

Poor Julia, man. That must sting.

Chapter 24 "The Eye of the Storm":

An effective transition chapter detailing the fallout of the previous chapters' events. Well, I'm glad Harry isn't an obstacle in the development of Michael and Julia's relationship anymore, but I still feel pretty bad for him. Maybe he'll eventually develop into a really good friend for Julia and come to accept Julia's feelings for Michael.

Chapter 25 "Static":

I'm so happy Julia is realizing the extent of her feelings for Michael and has admitted it to Janelle. It's kind of bittersweet, though, given the fact that it still seems that Michael is infatuated with Diana and it resulted in hurting Harry.

I enjoyed reading the reactions of all the people who saw Julia in the newspaper. Her mom, John, her classmates, etc. What Julia's mom said got me thinking... I can't wait for Michael and Julia to meet each other's families! Oh, goodness... Those are going to be  very exciting and dramatic days. It'd be nice if Julia and Michael eventually had a nice, deep conversation with each other about their families and respective backgrounds. I'm pretty curious about Julia's. What her family is like, what inspired her to go to Loyola and study journalism, how she met Janelle, etc.

Hmm, Michael's mask... There's more going on there than "smog".

Chapter 26 "The Other Side PT. 1":

I love your Michael POV chapters. I like the essence that is ascribed to him when you write out his thoughts, if that makes sense. I'd like to think the real Michael thought somewhat like what you're writing. I can imagine it's really difficult writing his chapters, though, because it must feel weird writing as him given that he was a real person and differentiating him from Julia. I really appreciate the effort you've gone through in writing these two Michael POV chapters!! :)

And, I am so amazingly proud of Michael for taking a significant leap in taking Diana out of his life!!! Yaaaay!

Oh, and I love how Michael is comfortable enough with Janelle to tease her, haha. "I look forward to snuggling with you again very soon." If you haven't noticed, I reeeally like Janelle xD

Chapter 27 "The Other Side PT. 2"

Ahh, finally caught up to the latest chapter! The switch to first person is great! You did a really good job of having Michael come off as a distinctly different character than Julia, so I congratulate you on that!! :D

You are very skilled at conjuring emotions and empathy from your readers... Well, at least me, but I'm sure all your readers would agree! xD ;P I felt Michael's energy and anxiety from the insomnia, the physical exhaustion that set in after he danced, and the panic when he looked at himself in the mirror and saw his red face. The description of how he felt strong and good, but how his legs buckled beneath him when he saw himself in the mirror killed me. Him calling himself a monster... :(

You effectively humanize him and make me feel great empathy for him. I thought his impulsive decision to call Julia and cancel his "date" (*wink wink*) with her was very realistic. I'm glad that he changed his mind and ended up going!!

Oh, reading the paragraph mentioning James Joyce and Finnegan's wake:

You asked me a while ago in response to one of my reviews if I was reading Finnegan's Wake, and I forgot to answer! Yes, I am, actually, haha. I'm very determined to get through it! I'm almost halfway through now. I try spend an hour of my day everyday reading and annotating the text. I don't know if I'm comprehending the full extent of the text, but hey, I'm trying and I haven't heard of anyone who can, lol.

Oh my goodness, I love the constant reference to Michael's horrendous driving skills! Hahahaha!

I'm glad Michael finally explained everything to Julia. Her freak-out was very much justified. So happy he's finally getting over Diana... (Julia must be secretly happy ^^)

Annnnd, yes!! Michael's feelings for Julia are becoming more clear. I seriously adore the pace you're going at! The buildup to "them" is perfect! The different descriptions of Michael noticing her proximity, her hair's smell, and her adorable singing are so endearing and provide great build up to his developing feelings for Julia. Janelle noticed his semi... LOL that's so embarassing xD You have a great balance of humor and drama in your chapters! ^.^

I am very much looking forward to the next chapter!! I'll be sure to review!

Here are some websites that I find useful for information on Michael, if you're interested:

www.truemichaeljackson.com (quotes from Michael and about Michael from those who knew him/met him)

www.crazyovermj.com (GREAT forum)

mjjtimeline.blogspot.com

rhythmofthetide.com

http://lacienegasmiled.tumblr.com/

https://mjrepository.wordpress.com/ (A blog dedicated to collecting Michael Jackson videos -- interviews, backstage footage, concert footage, etc.)

https://mjtheman.wordpress.com/

www.thesilencedtruth.com

www.the-michael-jackson-archives.com/main_content.html (various newspaper and magazine articles from the different eras of his life, starting with Off the Wall)

mjjarchives.weebly.com (same as above)

Hopefully you find the above sites interesting and/or useful for your research :) ^.^

Author's Response:

OMG. I'M CRYING. YOU'RE WONDERFUL. 

This is insane, thank you so so so  so so  so much! How incredibly thoughtful!!! (Although I'm kind of laughing because you posted this like 2 minutes before I updated again! Ah, well! Another review, another day!)

I always try to catar to the smartest reader if that makes sense. It cheapens the story to spell everything out, so I want. I reference what I want, I insinuate, drop clues. If people don't get them, too bad, bahahaha. So THANK YOU for making me feel better about that!

Drunk Janelle seems to have been a big hit with people, so I think she'll have to back a come back soon. She was fun to write...very very much like some of my friends, bahah.

Total side rant: YUCCA IS THE BOMB! I'm obsessed with Yucca! I live in Ecuador w my native boyfriend who's a farmer. He grows lots of yucca and it's wonderful. Yucca > Potatoes.

Thank you for appreciating human Michael and all the build up I'm working towards! Stuff would be boring as hell if everything was perfect or easily fixable, and half the fun is writing the build up to the relationship! Plus, things are never as fast in real life as they are in ff. I'm trying to fight against that!

THANK YOU for all these wonderful resources! I've read some, but there's also some I haven't read so I will be scouring them in the next few days. LOVE IT.

once again, allow me to gush and say thank you for this wonderful review. it means so so so much to know that people appreciate what i'm putting out there.

please keep reading and commenting! i just updated again and i'm...very interested to see how people respond.

<3 <3 <3

-ANN

Reviewer: 2DreamFire Signed
Date: Jan 05, 2015 Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 20: Tip #2: Call her just to say you're thinking of her

Yaaay! Update! I'm glad you're getting through your mid-story crisis.

I don't believe Julia's a bitch -- although she is being a bit hypocritical. The tips she's giving to Michael are the exact things Harry is doing to her! Honestly, though, I'd react the same way. She barely knows Harry, and he seems to be a bit clingy. I think a lot of women react that way when they don't feel like that about the other (Harry, in this case). It's different with Michael since he actually has known Diana for a significant amount of time and it really does seem like she's stringing him along.

Julia needs to beware, though. She's setting things up so that she's doing the same thing to Harry. She did have sex with him, and I know that makes many guys believe that there's something deeper in the relationship after that. I've known about some guys that get pretty clingy after having sex with a girl. She needs to be honest with Harry and tell him that she doesn't like him like that. Of course, she needs to be honest with herself first; she can't keep trying to make herself like him.

And, oh my gosh, Michael!! Ughh! A marriage proposal?! *shakes head* He's going to be in for a big heartbreak right after that.

One little thing in the chapter that confused me a bit is:

"Well, the 'rents say they'll pay for half of my physics Masters if I move back to Florida for grad school... So here I come UCF, Iguess..." - Julia

I didn't know Julia was planning on making a Masters in physics. It's funny, though, I live in Florida xD And, I just finished applying to UCF, FSU, etc.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the chapter! :) Thank you for updating!

Author's Response:

AHHHH! Too many j names!! That was definitely janelle. I'm a disgrace. Lolololol

 

julia snd michael both need to get their acts together. They're in for s

Reviewer: 2DreamFire Signed
Date: Dec 07, 2014 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 18: Oscar Wilde

Man, Julia is so confused about her feelings. It makes me feel bad for Harry knowing that he's going to get caught up in the mess that is Julia's and Michael's feelings for each other later on -- Michael, so far, hasn't exhibited any romantic interest in Julia, but one knows it's coming, lol. I brace myself for the heartbreak Michael's going to endure because of Diana. Although, I don't condone him kind of using Julia, it's easy to see where he's coming from since it's evident that he's completely sprung!

Haha, I'm proud of them too for talking about a difficult issue maturely! I think Julia effectively managed to make Michael feel a bit better about his skin. I actually chuckled out loud reading that section. I loved the superhero nicknames and the whole "partner in crime/partner in good" section.

Also, I'm glad you decided to include all facets of Michael's life and personality! Some stories portray him as a saint, others only include his bad qualities, some transform him into something completely different! You've struck a good balance. Michael's business negotiations when it came to music and other things were a big part of his life, and it's nice seeing that side of his personality portrayed in this story along with his other qualities.

Annnd, lmao. The part where Michael just bought five hundred coffees was totally something I can imagine he actually did in real life! That poor cashier must have been on the verge of a panic attack.

But, of course, my favorite part of this chapter was the book shopping! ^.^ It was so heartwarming and endearing, and it gave me a few new books to add to my "To-Read" list, so thank you. It's very lovely that they have an appreciation of books as common ground and bonding material. I also like how you actually included excerpts of what they were reading, rather than just stating what and how they were reading.

Hmm, Michael hasn't been eating these past few chapters (I noticed how you mentioned that his KFC was untouched a few chapters ago).

P.S.

I think this story is going at a great pace! Taking the time to establish Michael and Julia's friendship first is better in the long run. Most people don't just fall in love in a couple of days of hanging out with each other. Romantic feelings take time to develop, and establishing their friendship first strenghtens the romantic relationship later on.

Author's Response:

Hey, hey, hey! Think back to the Michael POV chapter. He made some moves! And just blamed it on her..bahaha. Typical, Michael. Thank you so much for this review! I've been so busy this week that I honestly only have like 1,000 words of the next chapter done right now...it'll get there! Sometime Wednesday probably.

Which book are you thinking of???? Because if it's Finnegans Wake I'll cry and be so impressed bahahaha.

And nice job picking up on the food stuff ;)

Thanks for reviewing!!